Le Plat de Poissons
by xJadeRainx
Summary: An all new television show starring your favorite and not so favorite characters from the Ocean Saga!
1. Episode 1: Pilot

xJadeRainx: Hello everyone and welcome to the fist episode of Le Plat de Poisson. It's a brand new talk show hosted by some of your favorite and admittedly, not so favorite characters. Your hosts today are the ever popular Hali, Xavier and the unforgettable "Salty" Sam Bennett.

*Flashing sign signals applause*

Sam: Le Plat de what? Discrimination! We're not all bilingual here!

Xavier: *Repeats with a triumphant smirk* Le Plat de Poissons.

Sam: *Crosses arms and mumbles under his breath* Show off.

Hali: *Laughs nervously* Okay, to save you fans the trouble of regarding the Google Translator, Le Plat de Poissons literally translates to, The Plate of Fish.

Sam: *With disbelief in his voice* The Plate of Fish? Who named this show anyway?

Xavier: *Rather proudly* I did!

Sam: *With Sarcasm* Oh, that explains why the name is incredibly... STUPID!

Xavier: *Indignantly* Non, éclatant.

Sam: If that means stupid, that yes, I agree wholeheartedly with everything you have just said.

Xavier: *Narrows his eyes* You make me sick.

Sam: * With and air of unmistakable coolness* I've met sea serpents more pleasant than you.

xJadeRainx: Hali, do something!

Hali: Me? If you can't control them, how do you expect me to?

xJadeRainx: Use your famine whiles...

Sam: *Addresses audience* Honestly, The Plate of Fish! There's got to me someone else out there who thinks that title is abysmal. Am I right?

*A murmur of consent from the audience*

*Sam basks in the glory of the moment*

xJadeRainx: *Attempting to keep the peace* All right, from now on Le Plat de Poissons will be know as The Fish Dish! Ha, perfect! I really must be a genius!

*All three hosts roll there eyes, along with a select few audience members*

Hali: Um, xJadeRainx?

xJadeRainx: Yes, Hali?

Hali: The producer is giving us dirty looks. We're running out of time, so maybe it's best if we get on with the show...

xJadeRainx: Good idea, Hali. *Faces the camera* We'll be right back after this commercial break.

Deep Male Voice Over: If you're not for them, you're against them. Join their quest to protect the world from devastation, against the dastardly Evil Bunnies and Cookies. Zombie Librarians. Their smarter, their faster, their HUNGRY! Visit your local library for further details.

xJadeRainx: And we're back! Remember fans, we left off in the middle of a heated debate of whether Le Plat de Poissons (The Plate of Fish) was a good or bad...

Sam: Very bad.

xJadeRainx: *Glares at Sam for stepping on her lines* ... name. Only for reasons pertaining to time constraints, our producer has ordered us to switch topics... immediately. Is there anything on the minds of our hosts.

Sam: You bet there is!

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* What is it now, Sam?

Sam: Why haven't you written about me in eleven chapters?

xJadeRainx: Because Adelaide is *holds pointer and thumb less than an inch apart* this close to being sacrificed to summon back the evil Tiamat though an ancient, dark, Murken voodoo ritual, that's why.

Sam: *Unhappily* But don't you see? It's all your fault!

xJadeRainx: *Laughs at the absurd comment* Sam, darling nothing is ever my fault...

Sam: Oh yeah? Because of you some new kid comes to town and Converse r life is suddenly all like, "OMG! He is so hawt! I'm loosing her becasue of you, xJadeRainx, because of YOU!

xJadeRainx: Now, Sam, calm down...

Sam: *Ignores xJadeRainx completely* Concerse r life, baby, come back to me, please!

Xavier: *annoyed* Is this ham ever going to let anyone else get a word in edgewise?

Sam: *With fire in his eyes* Hey, Devil! You and me. Mano a Mano. I think it's about time we finally meet.

Xavier: You know, Devil is closer to her age...

Sam: *Angrily pushes Xavier off his chair* Shut up, landlubber!

Xavier: *Finds an extra extension cord from one of the cameras and begins to choke Sam.

Producer: Two minutes left!

XJadeRainx: *Smiles fakely* Well fans, it seems we're out of time. Tune in next time on The Fish Dish!

Hali: *Shakes her head* We'll that was entirely unproductive.

xJadeRainx: *Regarding the two man melee* Should we stop them?

Hali: No, we just have to let them duke it out until they both grow tired.

xJadeRainx: Okay, then... *Faces camera* Until next time, this has been the Fish Dish!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

So, if you haven't guessed by now, The Fish Dish was inspired by Anima's show, Chronicles of Something, Something Holiday. Thanks for the inspiration Anima!

I figured her show could use some good, old fashioned competition! Besides, Sam kept bugging me to spread the word of his love for Converse r life in some dramatic way, and this is how it manifested itself.

Next episode, Sam and Xavier clear the air... I hope. Don't miss it!

I'm blue dabba dee dabba die,

xJadeRainx

Comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, requests? Write to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review.


	2. Episode 2: Trust Issues

xJadeRainx: Welcome back fans, to another riveting episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing sign signals applause*

xJadeRainx: Our last taping left off on a bad note, that is, Xavier and Sam engaging in one of their epic brawls. Well, I think that two men who work so closely together, should learn to get along, don't you?

Audience: *Whistle, whistle* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: Well I have a little surprise in store for those two!

Audience: Oooh, ahhhh.

xJadeRainx: I have each of them waiting backstage in a soundproof room. Xavier thinks that I have asked him here to instruct a quick French lesson, and Sam is under the impression that he is to be given a prestigious sailing award.

*Laughter heard from all direction in the audience*

xJadeRainx: *Shrugs* The only way I could drag Sam here was to feed is ego.

*More laughter from audience*

xJadeRainx: In reality, *holds up clipboard* I have here a list of trust exercises for Sam and Xavier to try. Do you think it's gonna work?

*Unsure murmuring*

*Camera pans across the audience and Hali appears on screen biting nails. Also, Converse is among the studio audience holding a giant poster board sign, with the words, 'GO SAM!' written in blue sharpie.*

xJadeRainx: Okay! Let's bring out Xavier!

*Audience applauds*

*Xavier takes a seat*

xJadeRainx: Hello, Xavier. How are you?

Xavier: ça va bien, xJadeRainx. Et toi?

xJadeRainx: Oh, Xavier, you're always ready to go! But before we begin the French lesson, why don't you tell us about where you grew up.

Xavier: *smiles brightly* Well, I grew up in the village of Le Mans, which is just a little over a hundred miles to the Southwest of Paris...

*While Xavier is speaking The Fish Dish subtly fades to a commercial.*

Commercial: A little girl no older than age five, is seen skipping rope along the sidewalk. She is an adorable child in pigtails, wearing a blue day dress and Mary Jane shoes. The little girl continues playing with her jump rope, when she spies a plate of delicious looking chocolate chip cookies just lying right there on the sidewalk. She looks around, but see know one. Unfortunately, the dear child is unaware that the Evil Bunnies have planted their killer Cookies there purposely, as a murderous trap. She innocently reaches her pudgy, little fingers to grab a cookie, when they instantly sprang to life and nearly bit off all the digits on her right hand. The little girl knows there is only one place where she is safe, and she begins running towards her local library. Suddenly the poor wretch trips of a crack in the ground and the Evil Cookies are about to overcome her. The girl squeezes her eyes shut in fear, but before the Evil Cookies can dispatch the child, a roar is heard from the direction of the library. Two Zombie Librarians charge at the Evil Cookies, devouring their brains, and therefor saving the child.

Little girl from commercial: "Oh thank you, Zombie Librarians! Will you read me a story.

Zombie Librarian number one nods, and walks hand in hand with the child, heading for the library, where they will read Winnie the Pooh together.

xJadeRainx: And we're back! Wow, that was a rather long commercial, wasn't it.

Xavier: Well, these things happen. It's not a big deal. *Smiles* How would you like me to begin the French lesson, xJadeRainx.

xJadeRainx *laughs* Before you go ahead and do that, I have something to say.

Xavier: Go right ahead.

xJadeRainx: *address producer* Carl, can we send out Sam, now?

*Producers motions to allow Sam on set.*

Xavier: Sam? *Scratches head* What's he doing here?

Sam: Hello, my adoring fans! *Notices Xavier and smile fades* What is all this about, xJadeRainx

xJadeRainx: It's an intervention!

Sam and Xavier together: An intervention? No way!

xJadeRainx: Now boys, *wags finger at them* Some of our readers have expressed concerns that you two don't get along?

Xavier: So?

Sam: Yeah, that's our business, not their's.

xJadeRainx: Haha! Success, within the first two minutes of the intervention!

Sam: *To Xavier* What the hell is she talking about?

Xavier: I've got no clue.

xJadeRainx: Don't you see. You both just agreed on something!

Sam: No we didn't.

Xavier: Actually, we did...

Sam: *Angrily* No, we didn't!

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* Back to square one, I suppose. Sit, down boys, sit down.

*Sam and Xavier take seats, on opposite sides of the set.*

xJadeRainx: *Reminiscent of Dr. Phil* Now, how did this feud begin?

Xavier: I saw this ruffian (jerks thumb at Sam) climbing into my girlfriend's room in the middle of the night. He was probably drunk too!

Sam: *in a correcting tone* As I recall she wasn't your girlfriend yet, and besides...

xJadeRainx: Go on, Sam, finish your thought.

Sam: I'd rather not.

xJadeRainx: Why not?

Xavier: *surprised* Yeah, why not?

Sam: Because my new foreve, Converse r life is in the audience smiling adoringly at me.

xJadeRainx: She's a tolerant girl, I don't think she'd mind. *To the producer* You're absolutely sure that there are no assassins here, right Carl?

*producer gives a thumbs up*

xJadeRainx: Great! Yes, Salty, Converse r life, won't mind one bit.

Sam: Well,a ll right. I saw Hali first, so he should have backed off. *crosses arms*

Xavier: Well you ruined things for yourself when you choose to sail away with dozens of dirty men, over her.

Sam: *Dismissively* Pirates are dirty, sailors are moderately clean.

Producer: Ten minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Okay, since we're nearly out of time, maybe we should get to those trust exercises.

Sam and Xavier: What trust exercises?

xJadeRainx: *Sheepishly* Didn't I tell you?

Sam: *Narrows eyes* no.

Xaveir: *Crosses arms* Must have slipped your mind, Oui?

xJadeRainx: Well, let's not dawdle on the details. Anima suggested you do the trust lean. Let me explain the rules. One partner must stand with his arms crossed against his chest, and falling backwards, must trust that his partner will catch him. Okay? Xavier you will be catching Sam as he falls...

Sam: Oh, no. I'll do the catching. I don't trust him.

xJadeRainx: *frowns* that's the whole idea, beside, Anima specifically asked for you the be the faller, and Xavier to be the catcher.

Sam: Fine. *begins to fall backwards*

Xavier: *contemplates letting him fall but from the audience catches the stern expression on Hali's face, and catches Sam* Happy now? We did it.

*Audience goes wild*

Producer: Off air in five minutes!

xJadeRainx: Hmm, it seems we have time for one more trust exercise. Let me consult my clipboard. Ohm here's one... two partners sit holding hands and gaze into each other's eyes... *looks up to see the clear protest written on both men's faces.* No? Okay then, how about the Mine Field activity?

Sam: Yes, let's do that one!

Xavier: Anything to get this over with.

xJadeRainx: Carl can I get a blindfold?

*Intern hands xJadeRainx a blind fold*

xJadeRainx: *ties it around Xavier's eyes* Okay Sam, you must with your voice, safely guide Xavier around the set.

Sam: *Sighs* All right, Xavier head to the port.

*Xavier moves to the right*

Sam: No, Xavier, I said port, not starboard!

*Xavier continues in the wrong direction*

Sam: Hey! Watch out for your bow! Go starboard, starboard!

*Xavier's walks straight off the stage and whines* ouch...

xJadeRainx: *Disapproving* Why did you do that, Sam?

Sam: What? It's not my fault the landlubber doesn't know his right from his left!

xJadeRainx: You used sailing terminology on purpose!

Produce: Three seconds left!

xJadeRainx *sighs* At least we tried... Tune in next time, viewers for a brand new episode of The Fish Dish!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

That Sam, sure is a piece of work, huh? Well maybe someday in the future they can become friends...

I hope you enjoyed the latest episode of The Fish Dish, everyone.

Be sure to check out my new, and first _Beauty and Beast_ fanfiction entitled T_wenty Girls and an Enchanted Rose!_

As always, send your questions, comment, concerns, or suggestion to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review!

Next Episode: Lysander hosts the Fish Dish with a surprise guest star!

Don't matter what you look like  
Don't matter what you wear  
How many rings you got on your finger  
We don't care  
No we don't care!

xJaderainx

PS. For all of those who support Evil Bunnies and Cookies, you are also supporting infanticide... just thought you should know that!


	3. Episode 3: Surprise!

xJadeRainx: Ladies, gentleman, and viewers of all ages, welcome to yet another episode of our new hit TV show, The Fish Dish!

*Audience cheers.*

xJadeRainx: Today we are doing something that has never been done before. Are you curious?

Audience: *Whistle, whistle, cheer* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: On today's episode, The Fish Dish has the honor of a very special guest star, from another popular fanfiction, Misunderstood Melodies!

*Audience goes wild*

xJadeRainx: Well, audience, any guesses as to who it might be?"

*xJadeRainx walks up to a man in a flowered Hawaiian shirt, and Bermuda shorts, * Hello sir, who do you think our specail guest star is?

Man in Hawaiian shirt: Anima!

xJadeRainx: *laughs* No, it's not Anima, but good guess, sir!

*A large woman in a green sundress and floppy hat bombards the microphone*

xJadeRainx: *slightly frightened* Yes, madam, do you have a guess?

Large woman: It's Leaf, I just know that it's Leaf!

xJaderainx: *Grabs microphone back with force* Sorry, Leaf will not be making an appearance today.

*Large woman breaks down in hysterical tears.*

xJadeRainx: *To producer* Carl, can we have her removed?

*Security immediately escorts large woman out of the studio*

xJadeRainx: Well, no use keeping you wonderful fans in suspense any longer! Let's bring out Devil!

*Fan girls go wild* Ohmygosh it's DEVIL!!!!!!

*Devil takes a seat next to xJadeRainx*

xJadeRainx: Hi, Devil.

Devil: 'Sup?

xJadeRainx: *with sarcasm* 'Sup? Is that how Anima taught you how to speak? 'Sup?

Devil: Hey, I do what I want, when I want.

xJadeRainx: All right then. I suppose that means you would like to take charge of The Fish Dish, then?

Devil: Duh!

xJadeRainx: *ignoring his rudeness* Who would you like to interview today?

Devil: That no good, dirty, Salty Sam!

xJadeRainx: *Rubbing back of neck* Uh, sorry Devil. No can do.

Devil: *Innocently* Why not?

xJadeRainx: Because I have Sam promoting the next Chapter of Ocean Star way over in Westland. Yeah, that's it.

Devil: You wouldn't possibly be lying to me, xJadeRainx, would you?

xJadeRainx: Me? Never! *switches topic* How about we go visit Atlantica?

Devil: If we're going underwater, then I want to see Murk, and speak directly to this Lysander jerk.

xJadeRainx: Murk? That's a pretty dangerous place, Devil.

Devil: I laugh in the face of Danger!

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* If you insist. Let's get our wetsuits and scuba gear on.

Devil: Hey, this blue wetsuit is too small for me!

xJadeRainx: That's because it's mine.

Devil: Then what am I going to wear?

xJadeRainx: Well, let's check to see what size wetsuits we have in store. Ah, this looks like it will fit!

Devil: *with disbelief* But this one is pink!

xJadeRainx: But it's the only one we have in your size...

Devil: *sighs and puts on the pink wetsuit* Symphony is going to have a ball with this. *Grumbles*

xJadeRainx: We're going to get our camera crew and producer ready to join us, and after this commercial break, you'll find us in Murk, face to face, with Lysander, folks!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Evil Bunnies and Cookies, steal your children when they sleep peacefully at night. Evil Bunnies and cookies murdered the beloved Cookie Monster. Evil Bunnies and Cookies plan to enslave the world. Join the Zombie Librarians in their fight for justice, in their fight to keep the Evil Bunnies and Cookies at bay. Zombie Librarians. They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY!

*Dedication* In Memory of Cookie Monster. RIP: 1-6-10.

xJadeRainx: And we're back! Viewers, Devil and I have joined Lysander in his study at the Murken castle.

Lysander: Greetings.

xJadeRainx: Devil, do you have anything to say to Lysander?

Devil: Yeah, you have weird eyes.

Lysander: *Crossing his arms* And you also.

xJadeRainx: *Hurriedly* Why don't you interview him, Devil?

Devil: All right. Question number one: Did you agree to steal baby Adelaide just to please your people, A.K.A the Murkens?

Lysander: I act only on what I feel is best for my kingdom.

Devil: Do you REALLY want Tiamat to return?

Lysander: Tiamat was a great Murken leader, and she will be again.

Devil: Okay, that answers nothing. Question number three: Why name her Jira? Of all the other names you could've given her.

Lysander: Jira is a strong Murken name. It means, related by blood.

Devil: At least that was a legitimate answer. I'm getting the feeling that you're part Atlantican, is this true?

Lysander: No. Well, perhaps. Most likely not.

Devil: Explain.

Lysander: I never knew my mother, so she may have been Atlantican, or she just as well may not have been.

xJadeRainx: *Yells* Lysander, stop giving away plot details!

Lysander: My apologies.

Producer: Five minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Okay, Devil better speed it up a bit.

Devil: Do you like cereal? Do they even have Cereal there?

xJadeRainx: So random...

Lysander: Indeed! Kelp Krunchies are satisfactory.

xJadeRainx: Kelp Krunchies? Isn't that targeted towards merchildren?

Lysander: I enjoy watching the whale's milk turn green.

Producer: Off air in three minutes!

xJadeRainx: Devil, you have time for two more questions.

Devil: Can you do the Macarena, and if so, demonstrate.

Lysander: What is this Macarena?

*Devil begins the Macarena dance*

Producer: Thirty seconds!

xJadeRainx: Hurry up devil, your last question!

Devil: Which side are you on, Zombie Librarians, or cute Evil Bunnies and Cookies?

Lysander: Zombie Librarians. For they are the truth from the evil of oppression!

Devil: That makes all kinds of no sense...

Producer: Off air in five seconds!

xJadeRainx: See you next time on the Fish Dish!

Devil: You could use a catch phrase.

xJadeRainx: You know, you're right...

*Ending music and credits*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Welcome back, readers. Did you enjoy the latest episode of The Fish Dish? Next episode, Eric sits down with the three men in his daughters lives!

Devil appeared this episode by express written consent of Anima - Animal - Animality...

Devil: I'm my own man. I don't nee HER consent!

xJadeRainx: Devil! What are you doing in my Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah?

Devil: You left the door unlocked.

xJadeRainx: Oh.

xJadeRainx and Devil: Later gators!

In the Southland  
There's a city  
Way down on the river  
Where the women are very pretty  
And all the men deliver

xJadeRainx

Comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, requests? Write to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review.

**CONTEST**: Send us your catch phrase ideas!


	4. Episode 4: Male Bonding

xJadeRainx: Hey there! Glad to see you back for another great episode of the Fish Dish!

*Flashing lights signals applause*

xJadeRainx: Thanks for sending in your catch phrase ideas. The winner will be announced at the end of the show!

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: Today our hosts are, King Eric of Shireland....

Eric: *Camera moves to Eric, and he waves* Hello.

*More applause*

xJadeRainx: Prince Lance of Westland...

Lance: *Camera shifts over to Lance, he smiles* Pleased to meet you.

xJadeRainx: How could we forget, the one, the only Salty Sam...

*Crazy lovesick girls scream and trip over their own feet in the studio audience*

*Sam winks at camera*

xJadeRainx: And of course... *with confusion* Where is Xavier?

Lance: I think he's still in his trailer.

xJadeRainx: What? He knows better than to be late!

*Sam shrugs, and pulls out a bottle of beer, and begins drinking*

xJadeRainx *reprimanding* Sam! I said no alcohol on set, especially not today...

Sam: *Slugs, swallows, and sighs* Sue me.

Lance: What is that? *Points at Sam's bottle.*

Sam: *Very slowly* It's called beer.

Lance: *Curiously* Let me try some.

*Sam shrugs and hands over the bottle*

Lance: *Sips and sputters* This is without a doubt the most foul thing I have ever tasted.

Sam: It's what the poor folk drink, rich boy.

Lance: Well that was rude.

Eric: Where IS Xavier? What could be keeping him so long? I have questions!

xJadeRainx: Calm down, Eric. I'm sure he'll be here shortly...

Xavier: *From off screen* I'm here, I'm here *Finally enters camera's view and sits down*

Eric: *Narrows eyes* What took you so long?

Xavier: *rubs neck* I was... reading! Right, in my trailer, and I lost track of time.

xJadeRainx: Xavier?

Xavier: Yes?

xJadeRainx: What's that pink smudge on your neck and shirt collar?

*Xavier's face turns red*

Lance: It looks more like an orange smudge to me.

Sam: You should both get your eyes checked. That smudge is definitely coral colored.

Eric: Coral? That's Hali's favorite shade of lipstick. Coral Caress. *eyes light up with realization, and lunges at Xavier.*

Xavier: Help!

Sam: Don't look at me.

xJadeRainx: Security!

*Hulking security guard sits Eric back down in his chair, and points first to his eyes, and then at Eric*

xJadeRainx: Thanks, Bob.

*Bob the hulking security guard points first at his eyes, and then at xJadeRainx*

xJadeRainx: Okay... Eric gives us his first impressions of the boys when we return from this quick commercial break!

Commercial *Deep Male Voice Over* Did you ever wonder what the world would be like, if there were no Zombie Librarians? *Camera portrays the Statue of Liberty, only instead of the famous figure, there is a giant green copper bunny, holding a monstrous cookie in its outstretched palm. Then the scene switches to France, and the Eiffel Tower is a giant carrot housing a colony of Evil Bunnies and Cookies.* Deep Male Voice Over: Chilling, isn't it? If you support Evil Bunnies and Cookies, you support the end of humanity as we know it. Zombie Librarians for mayor 2010!

xJadeRainx: And we're back! Thanks for staying with us, viewers. As promised, Eric is going to share his first impressions of Lance, Sam, and Xavier. Eric?

Eric: Now, xJadeRainx, you have to understand that all I have are daughters. No Sons! Of course I'm...

Sam: *Coughs* overprotective. *coughs*

xJadeRainx: Sam! *More sweetly* Go on, Eric.

Eric: Well let's start with Lance.

*Groaning from Lance's direction*

Eric: I despised Lance when he first started coming around, with his crazy notions of courting my nineteen year old daughter.

xJadeRainx: Why?

Eric: Because Melody was my first baby girl, and she was supposed to inherit my kingdom, but I knew that if she ever married Lance, she'd have to abandon Shireland and go rule at Lance's side.

xJadeRainx: Ah, *thoughtfully strokes chin* and that's exactly what happened.

Eric: Yes, *Frowns* and then there was Xavier.

xJadeRainx: Tell us about Xavier.

Eric: He was, *corrects* he is a servant! I lost one daughter to a neighboring kingdom, was I supposed to lose another daughter to a stable boy?

Xavier: Hey!

xJaderainx: No interruptions, Xavier. *Looks back to Eric* Interesting. Tell us more.

Eric: How could I forget Sam? He shows up in my palace posing as a sailor from the Whitehaven navy, and then I find he abducts my daughter and takes her to Garvey's Pub. What a filthy establishment!

Sam: In my defense, Hali is no baby. She went with me willingly.

Xavier: *To Lance* Speaking of babies, did Melody give birth yet?

Lance: I don't know. xJadeRainx won't tell anybody. All she keeps saying is Melody and...

xJadeRainx: *Proudly* It's true!

Producer: Ten minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Before we run out of time, Eric, do you have any questions for these fine gentleman?

Eric: Of course!

xJadeRainx: Three questions for Lance, Go!

Eric: When are you coming back from Westland? Why do you love my daughter? Have you ever made Melody cry? Is so be specific so I can kill you later.

Lance: All xJadeRainx will allow me to say, is that I'll be back before the end of Ocean Star. I love Melody because she's a little fire cracker.

Eric: *Angrily* What's that supposed to mean?

Lance: Um, moving on to the next question. Have I ever made Melody cry? Yes.

*Eric glare*

Lance: But it wasn't my fault, really. She cries all the time since she became pregnant. One time all I said was, 'Could you pass the pepper, dear' and she burst out in tears!

Producer: Of fair in five minutes!

xJadeRainx: * To producer* Gee, Carl, I think we're going to need some extra time.

Producer: Off air in seven minutes!

xJadeRainx: Okay, Eric, your questions for Xavier now.

Eric: Have you ever been in my daughter's room. Why did you sleep with my daughter? If you ever slept with my daughter again, what do you think I would do to you?

Sam: You slept with Hali! *Interested* What was that like?

Xavier: *glares at Sam* I have never been in Hali's room. Well, at least not in Shireland.

*Smoke appears to come out of Eric's ears*

Xavier: *Moves his chair slightly away form Eric* We FELL asleep, in a PLAYGROUND, in the OPEN, because we were TIRED. And now I'm afraid to share a bed with Hali even after we're married, happy?

Eric: Very.

Producer: Three minutes Left!

xJadeRainx: Okay, Eric, your last few questions for Sam, now.

Eric: Why do you love Hali? Why do you hate Xavier? And will you attend Hali's wedding, or mope around?

Sam: Who wouldn't love Hali? She's wonderful.

*Audience awww's and a crazed teenage girl screams *'Sam, have my baby!'*

Sam: *To crazed teenage girl* Um, no thanks... *goes back to questions* Why do I hate Xavier? Because he's a girl stealing landlubber.

Eric: *agrees* He is a landlubber.

Sam: And lastly, I probably won't even be alive by the time Hali's wedding rolls around. If the Leviathan isn't repaired soon, I'll commit suicide.

Xavier: *Perking up* Really?

xJadeRainx: Is there even the slightest of hopes you two will get along?

Sam: Sure.

xJadeRainx: *Surprised* When?

Sam: Let me check by date book... *Flips through imaginary date book* Hm, is the 5th of Never, good for you Xavier?

Xavier: *Flips through his own imaginary date book* yep, works for me! Let me just go ahead and jot that down.

Sam: *Sarcastically* There you go, xJadeRainx. It's all settled out. The 5th of Never.

xJadeRainx: *Frowning* The fans are going to be so disappointed...

Producer: Off air in three seconds!

xJadeRainx: See you next time. Until then, 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Welcome back, folks!

The winner of the catch phrase contest is Converse r life with 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you. Her prize? Converse life will make an appearance on the fish dish with two character of her choosing! PM me Converse r life, with your choices!

Next episode, The life and Times of Converse r life!

A special thanks to Princess Cricket and Converse r life, for their help with this episode! Also s special thanks to Anima - Animal - Animality, for her help in the previous episode. Reruns of The Fish Dish will be played on channel 128 8/7 central for any princess's with musical nicknames, who may want to preserve certain pink wetsuit wearing boys, for all posterity!

xJadeRainx

Don't forget! Comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, requests? Write to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review.


	5. Episode 5: Contest Winner Part 1

xJadeRainx: Shalom, viewers! You are joining us today for a very special, two hour episode of The Fish Dish!

Audience: *Excitedly* Oooh, ahhh!

xJadeRainx: Today, we have the honor of the ever unique Converse r life, winner of the catch phrase contest!

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: *Laughs* That's the spirit! Let's bring her out!

*Converse r life enters, blowing kisses to the audience.*

xJadeRainx: Hello, Converse r life.

Converse r life: I am totally stoked to be here? ( Nearly hyperventilates) OMG! I can't believe I'm on The Fish Dish! This is so chromazing!

xJadeRainx: Well believe it, and try to calm down because we're taping.

Converse r lie: *Takes deep breath* Okay, I think I'm good now.

"xJadeRainx: Glad to hear it. How's that crazy soccer coach of yours?

Converse r life: Manny? He threatened my life for reading your stories instead of practicing. I'm till mad at you for that, xJadeRainx.

xJadeRainx: Don't blame me. It's not my fault you're a deviant.

Converse r life: Is too!

xJadeRainx: Is not!

Converse r life: IS TOO!

xJadeRainx: IS NOT!

Producer: A-hem.

xJadeRainx: Sorry, Carl. So, Converse r life your prize for winning the catch phrase contest was to appear on The Fish Dish...

Converse r life: Check.

xJadeRainx: Yes, with two characters of your choosing. Have you decided which characters you'd like to speak with?

Converse r life: Chya!

xJadeRainx: (with interest) And they might be?

Converse r life: (Happily) My foreve Sam, of course, and his ex lover, Hali.

xJadeRainx:Before we bring out Hali and Sam, Converse r life tell us why you choose the catch phrase 23 skidoo The Fish Dish and you.

Converse r life: It's simply really...

*Beep*

Male Voice: We interrupt your daily programming to bring you this important message.

News caster: Good evening, this is Lora Imri reporting live from London. The busy streets of London screeched to a standstill just moments ago, in what appears to be a terrorist attack by none other than the Evil Bunnies and Cookies. As you can see, the streets are set ablaze, and you can just smell the cookies baking. Sources say it's how they spawn. Folks, I am literally looking at the famous Big Ben, right now, and its face has been replaced with a giant chocolate chip cookie, and the London eye is carrying hundreds of those Evil Bunnies. Cute, but deadly. I'm afraid were in for a world of trouble, oh wait... Thank the Lord, the Zombie Librarians have finally arrived. The day is saved! This has been Lora Imri for channel 128 news. Check back for a live update at six.

Sam: Hi.

Crazed fan girl from audience: Marry me, Sam! *Fan girl sits just before a ninja star grazes her head*

Hali: Salutations!

Sam: I didn't know we were starting that already, no fair!

Hali: *Smirks* Indubitably!

xJadeRainx and Converse r life: *With confusion* Starting what?

Hali: Sam and I have a bet.

xJadeRainx: What kind of bet?

Sam: Who can use the most big words this episode.

Hali: *Triumphantly* The most _sophisticated_ words. That's 3-0, Sammy dear.

Sam: Dammit. And don't call me Sammy!

Converse r life: *Adoringly* I believe in you Sam.

Sam: Thanks, kid.

Converse r life *In tears* Kid? I'm not a kid. I'm 15 and .006 of a quarter!

*Hali rolls eyes*

xJadeRainx: *Sensing hostility* Let's get this show on the road. Converse r life, do you have any questions for either Hali or Sam?

Converse r life: Do pink mice with purple polka dots exist?

xJadeRainx: Of course they do! I saw one with my own eyes, when I was six!

Converse r life: Then there's your answer, genius.

xJadeRainx: Oh. Who would you like to start with?

Converse: Hmmm, Hali!

Hali: Yes, I am superior!

Sam: We'll see about that.

Converse r life: My first question for you Hali is this: If you weren't born a princess, what kind of life would you lead?

Hali: An excellent question, Converse r life. I would go to university! That is if I wasn't born into a poor family, who could afford it, and the university wouldn't reject me because I'm a girl... Well, I could always get a job, but I don't have any skills exactly, I guess I could...um... ah...

Converse r life: *With disappointment* I've heard enough on this subject, next question. Have you ever done chores?

Hali: Certainly, attending social events like balls are a chore, because they're more than half the time boring... Oh, and all those piano lessons, vocal training, learning foreign languages, and dance instructions... there chores, as well...

Sam: Hali, don't be inane. She meant chores in the sense of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry... didn't you Converse r life? *Looks at Converse r life and smiles*

*Converse r life melts*

xJadeRainx: *In surprise* Sam? Did you just use the word inane in a sentence?

Sam: I did, indeed.

xJadeRainx: Carl, let's get that on the score board!

Hali: There's a scoreboard?

*Scoreboard reads: Hali 3, Sam 1*

xJadeRainx: Back to the question at hand, Hali. Have you ever done chores, real chores.

Hali: *Sourly* No, but it's not my fault! My father _pays_ servants to do things like that...

Sam: *Mockingly* Oh, the onus life of a princess. How I pity you!

xJadeRainx: Carl, that's another for Sam on the scoreboard!

*Scoreboard reads: Hali 3- Sam 2*

Converse r life: *With glee* Yea, Sam you're catching up.

Sam: *winks at Converse r life* I've got this in the bag.

xJadeRainx: Converse r life, stop giggling and ask Hali your other questions.

Converse r life: *Fanning herself* Okay, Hali, Way back when, in the days of the wall that separated the castle from the sea, did you ever sneak out to the sea like Melody?

Hali: Yes, I always felt connected to the sea, I guess I know why, now. I forced Melody show me her escape route. She thought I had some dirt on her, but I lied.

Sam: Haha! That's my girl.

Converse r life: *Slightly jealous* How long have you ever been grounded for, and what did you do to get grounded?

Hali: Oh, I would sneak out to go swimming, or Melody would rat me out on my latest ploy, and my dad would say, "Hali, your grounded for a month, which ended up being more like one day, or he would tell the servants not to bring me food, so I'd be starved out of my room. Yeah, the only time he ever followed though with that, I nearly burned down the palace.

Sam: *Sarcastically* Nice.

Converse r life: Who was the first boy you ever kissed, and at what age did you kiss him?

Hali: *Dreamy sigh* Javier.

Sam: *Disbelieving* Javier? What a ridiculous name.

Hali: *Still sighing* Yes, Javier, the crowned prince of Spain. I was fourteen years and three days...

xJadeRainx: Sorry viewers, but we're due for another word from our sponsors, but don't worry, Converse r life will be back with the rest of her questions after the break!

Commercial: Deep Male Voice over: Zombie Librarians are here to help you. The Zombie Librarians strive to bring literature and education into the world, and all at the same time protect humanity from the Evil Bunnies and Cookies. What would the world be like without the Zombie Liberians? The Earth would be littered with bunny pellets, and children and adults everywhere would have mouths filled with cavities. Would you like to live in a world like that?

Converse r life: Evil Bunnies and Cookies shall rule the day!

Sam: *Taking offense* _I_ support the Zombie Librarians. They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY!

Converse r life: *Bumbling* I-I'm sorry. I can still switch sides. Don't hate me!

xJadeRainx: *To Converse r life* Um, let's go ahead and wrap up your questions for Hali, now.

Converse r life: Why on earth would you dump the amazingly GORGEOUS sailor for the eh, not bad looking stable hand?

Hali: First off, Xavier is just as handsome, if not_ more_, than Sam.

Sam: *Moodily* Pfff!

Converse r life: I agree, pfff!

Hali: Think about, a strong dependable man, like Xavier, or a feckless sailor. The choice was obvious.

xJadeRainx: Carl, update the scoreboard!

*Scoreboard reads: Hali 4, Sam 2*

Hali: Whoo-hoo, I doubled my lead!

Sam: *With outrage* Feckless! You call me feckless? Hali, you admitted yourself, that you have absolutely no skills. At least I know how to sail! *Puffs* Feckless. Ha! Again, your life as a member royalty must me truly onerous.

xJadeRainx: Oh dear, Carl, adjust the score again!

*Scoreboard reads: Hali 4, Sam 3*

Converse r life: This is getting exciting!

xJadeRainx: That it is, now back to the questions.

Converse r life: Right, Who's a better kisser, SHAM-WOW, or Xaxa?

Hali: Do I have to answer that?

xJadeRainx: I'm afraid so.

Sam: Yeah, answer it!

Hali: Xavier.

Sam: She's just saying that because she has to.

Hali: *Indignantly* No, I am not.

Sam: *To Converse r life* Yes, she is. *Winks*

*Converse r life makes gurgling noise*

xJadeRainx: Converse r life!

Converse r life: *Snaps out of daze* Okay, last question for you Hali, Do you think that Xaxa will be good at sex?

Hali: *Blushing* Isn't that a little personal?

Converse r life: Nope.

xJadeRainx: *Sighing* Just answer it.

Hali: Of course.

Sam: That's all you have to say?

Hali: Yes.

Sam: We'll that was anticlimactic.

xJadeRainx: They're all tied up now viewers!

*Scoreboard reads: Hali 4, Sam 4*

Hali: *In shock* What? I can't believe this.

Sam: Haha!

Producer: Three minutes left!

Converse r life: Hey, Carl! Shut up already. The show ends when I say it ends, and I still say it's not ending!

Producer: Off air in two minutes!

xJadeRainx: What, already?

*Carl nods*

xJadeRainx: Well fan, it seems we've run out of time today. Tune in soon for part two, when we rejoin Hali, Sam, and the chromazing converse r life! This has been, 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and you!

*End music and credits*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Well, this came as a surprise! I wasn't expecting for this episode to be a two parter, but it was growing far too long, so I just had to split it. Congratulations Converse r life, you have created history by being the only guest star to appear twice on The Fish Dish.

Who do you think will win the big words contest, Hali or Sam?

No worries, friends. London was not really attacked during the taping of this show. (Just in case someone out there was offended. I meant no harm.)

Oh yes, and apparently the word "chromazing" is property of Converse r life's friend. Ask her about it, if you'd like...

Father's hunting in the forest, Mother's cooking in the home,

xJadeRainx

Don't forget! Comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, requests? Write to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review.


	6. Episode 6: Contest Winner Part 2

xJadeRainx: Howdy-do, viewers! We're back with our hosts Sam, Hali and Converse r life. Say hello to our fans, guys.

Hali: *With embarrassment* I can't believe she just said howdy-do...

*Sam is sitting with his arm around the back of Converse r life's chair, making googly eye at her*

xJadeRainx: Sam! I said, say hello to our viewers.

Sam: *Unenthusiastically* Fine. Hello to our viewers. *Returns attention to Converse r life and whispers something in her ear*

*Converse r life turns a shade of light pink*

xJadeRainx: *With concern* Converse r life, are you okay?

Converse r life *In dreamlike sate* Te-hee.

xJadeRainx: Okay... I'm going to take that as a yes. Sam, stop turning our guest star into a lovesick fool.

Hali: Yeah, good luck with that one. Sam's too much of a Casanova.

xJadeRainx: Um... Maybe we should just get on with the show. What are your questions for Sam, Converse r life?

Converse r life: Te-hee.

xJadeRainx: *Urgently* Converse r life, snap out of it!

Converse r life: *Shakes head* Oh yes, questions for Sam, right. Sam, if you had a bazooka, who would you aim it at?

Sam: *In confusion* What the hell is a bazooka?

Converse r life: *Pensively* It's like a giant cannon that you can carry over your shoulder and shoot people with.

Sam: Oh. That's easy, Mullet.

Converse r life, xJadeRainx, and Hali: *In shock* Mullet! Really?

Sam: *with seriousness* Yes, Mullet is the most irritating person I have ever met. Once of these days, I'm going to sail away without him. That will be a happy day.

Hali: *Still in shock* I thought for sure you were going to say Xavier.

Sam: Why, because you choose him over me. No, Hali, I'm not a flagitious person. Is that all you think of me?

*Hali is left with her jaw hanging open*

xJadeRainx: * With surprise* Um, Carl, can we update that scoreboard? Sam just decimated Hali with an SAT word.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 4, Sam 5*

Sam: *To Converse r life* I told you I had this competition in the bag. *Winks again*

Hali: *Snaps out of daze* Well, maybe you're not flagitious, Sam, but your still a philanderer.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 5, Sam 5*

Sam: *Defensively* I wouldn't use the word philanderer, exactly. I just a... hopeless romantic, yeah that's how I'd describe myself. A hopeless romantic.

xJadeRainx: Really guys, it's time for questions now. Converse r life, go ahead.

Converse r life: Do you still love Hali?

Sam: I accept the fact, that she doesn't want me. Let's leave it at that.

xJadeRainx: Works for me.

Hali: What! I had to answer all those personal questions Converse r life asked me!

xJadeRainx: Quiet Hali. We have time for one more question before the break. Converse r life?

Converse r life: Have you lost your virginity yet?

Sam: Haha! Me? A sailor who meets a new girl at every port? No, of course not.

Hali: He is such a prevaricator.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 6, Sam 5*

Sam: Hey, I didn't want to give my foreve the wrong ideas. *Brushed hair behind Converse r life's ear*

Converse r life: *Blushing* Um, Sam... *Points to scoreboard* you have some catching up to do.

Sam: No need to be perturbed. I won't let you down, Converse r life.

xJadeRainx: Okay, let's update that scoreboard, and we'll be back after this commercial.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 6, Sam 6*

Commercial: Deep Male Voice Over: The rebellion has started. Evil Bunnies and Cookies have already attacked London. What's next on their agenda? Paris, New York, Tokyo? Maybe even your city? Don't let the Evil Bunnies and Cookies destroy our lively hoods. Join the Zombie Liberians in their fight to save the Earth. Zombie Liberians. They're smarter, They're faster, they're HUNGRY!

xJadeRainx: All right, we're back! Converse r life, shall we continue with you questions?

Converse r life: Okay, Sam, What's better, Xaxa six feet under, or Hali in your arms?

Sam: Hmm, since Hali won't have me...

Converse r life *Shaking head* Idiot.

Sam: *Smiles* Yes, well, since Hali won't have me, I guess it doesn't matter. I wouldn't have Xavier killed for no reason at all. Like I said before, I'm no a deleterious human being.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 6, Sam 7*

Hali *Panicking* This can't be happening.

Sam: *Grinning* Au contraire.

xJadeRainx: Hold on a minute, Carl we have to give same an extra point for saying something in French. Update that scoreboard!

*Scoreboard reads Hali 6, Sam 8*

*Hali groans*

xJadeRainx: Okay, everyone, let's get back on track now. Go on, Converse r life. Questions for Sam.

Converse r life: What was Hannah like, when you used to love her? Where IS Hannah now?

Sam: *Strokes chin* Hannah? Well, to be honest, she was always a little bit mean, but I still loved her then. Why, I don't know. Any way, Hannah's in jail now, I helped Eric capture her.

Hali: *In surprise* Eric? Since when are you on first name basis with my father?

Sam: *Shrugs* We called a truce. No big deal really...

Hali: *Disagree* Not a big deal? I'm flabbergasted. My father was never one to have been known to mingle with the hoi polloi.

xJadeRainx: Carl, let's give Hali two points, one for flabbergasted and another for hoi polloi.

*Scoreboard reads Hali 8, Sam 8*

xJadeRainx: Now, lets get back to the questions.

Converse r life: If I told you I loved you soooooooooooooooooo incredibly much and to screw Devil because your the one that I want, would you kiss me? Again? Would you still love me? Please?!

Sam: *Teasing* I don't know, Converse r life, your behavior and devotion towards me has been, how should I put this, diffuse?

xJadeRainx: Carl, another update!

*Scoreboard reads Hali 8, Sam 9*

Hali: No! Why me, why?

Converse r life: *Tearing up* Please, Sam please. I love you. You!

Sam: *To audience* Should I take a chance on her?

Audience: *Whistle, whistle, Yeah!*

Crazed teenage fan girl: *No, Sam kiss ME!

Sam: *Slightly scared* Who keeps giving that girl tickets?

*Crazed teenage girl is taken down by a bow and arrow*

xJadeRainx: Converse r life, did you bring your assassins along with you?

Converse r life: *Innocently* No. Back to my question at hand, Sam will you kiss me?

Sam: Sure, why not. *Dips Converse r life and kisses her*

*Converse r life melts into a puddle on the floor*

Producer: Five minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Okay, converse r life, for our parting thoughts, tell us something you admire and dislike about both Hali and Sam.

Converse r life: *Picking herself off the floor* Okay, Hali, Harmony and I both think your the coolest thing since boy bands with incredibly gorgeous lead singers.

Hali: Aww, that's so sweet...

Converse r life: Harmony also wanted me to give you this.

Hali: What?

Converse r life: *Thumps Hali on the head* That's for leaving SHAM-WOW!

Hali: Ouch! You should be happy. Take that back.

Converse r life: Okay. *Thumps Hali on the head again* There I took it back.

Hali: *Groans* That's not what I had in mind.

Producer: Off air in three minutes!

xJadeRainx: Okay, Converse r life, your thoughts on Sam, go!

Converse r life: You're hotter than Taylor Lautner, Zac Efron, and Pete Wentz combined!

Sam: *Scratching head* I don't know who any of those guys are, so I'm going to take that as a compliment...

Converse r life: I find no flaws with you. Your to hot to have flaws!

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: We're out of time, folks. 23 Skidoo The Fish Dish and You!

Hali: No wait, I need to get in at least two more SAT words!

xJadeRainx: Sorry, Hali, too late. Sam wins.

Converse r life: Whoo-hoo! I knew you could do it Sam!

Sam: *Grabs Converse r life by the hand* Let's go celebrate!

*End Music and Credits*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Well, fans, that concludes the Life and Times of Converse r life. See you next time.

Wow, Sam won. Even I didn't see that coming!

If I fall in love, it will be forever,

xJadeRainx

Remember: Comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, requests? Write to P.O. Box The Fish Dish via review.


	7. Episode 7: Battle of the Siblings

xJadeRainx: Ciao! readers, and welcome to The Fish Dish!

*Flashing sign signals applause*

*Audience claps and cheers*

xJadeRainx: Today's episode is sure to hit home with many of you, viewers. Are you curious what our topic is?

*Audience cheers* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: Why, sibling rivalry, of course!

Audience: Ahhh.

xJadeRainx: We have some time hear from some of our audience members.

*xJadeRainx walks up to woman with bright red hair*

xJadeRainx: Oh hi, Ariel. I didn't know you were going to be in the audience today.

Ariel: I wouldn't miss an episode like this for the life of me.

xJadeRainx: Since you're hear, why don't you elaborate on what it's like to grow up with six sisters.

Ariel: It was a nightmare! Always noisy, no privacy, good luck trying to get into that bathroom, and... well, this I never understood. Daddy is a king. We lived in a huge underwater castle!

xJadeRainx: *Unsure of Ariel's point* Uh-huh...

Ariel: Why did Daddy force all of us to share a room? There are plenty of rooms in the castle!

xJadeRainx: Well, King Triton probably just wanted you all to get along, Ariel.

Ariel: *darkly* Yeah.

xJadeRainx: *Stepping away from Ariel* Hmm, we have time to hear from one last audience member. How about you, mysterious person dressed in a long trench coat, and wearing a fedora hat?

*Mysterious person removes hat and trench coat* Surprise!

xJadeRainx: Converse r life!

Converse r life: The one and only!

xJadeRainx: All right Converse r life, you mentioned a few times that you have a brother.

Converse r life: *narrows eyes* So?

xJadeRainx: How would you describe him?

Converse r life: A young, scrawny, acne scarred, buck tooth, goody two shoes, bookworm, who always carries pocket protectors and seems to always have a cold because he's always sniffling.

xJadeRainx: *Sarcastically* How... sweet.

Converse r life: I'm a very sweet person. *bats eyelashes innocently*

xJadeRainx: Riiight. *walks back over to stage* Well, fans, as you may have noticed he have a large aquarium on set today.

Audience: Oooh, Ahhh.

xJadeRainx: Today our hosts will be Merrick, Jade and Cricket from Atlantica, and of course Hali and Melody of Shireland.

*Audience gasps*

xJadeRainx: No need to worry. We have professions standing by, just in case it gets ugly.

*Audience sighs in relief*

xJadeRainx: Don't touch that remote, viewers. We'll be right back with our hosts after a word from our sponsors!

Commercial: *Female voice over* The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies has a few choice words for the Zombie Librarian campaign. Your one sided commercials distort the facts. We are here to rectify this grave injustice. Utter another single word against the AOEB, and we will wage war. We are legion. We are Evil Bunnies and Cookies. Beware!

xJadeRainx: *To producer* Carl, that sounded more like a threat, than a commercial...

*Producer shrugs*

xJadeRainx: Oh well, let's get on with it! Fans, Merrick, Jade, and Cricket are already in our fish tank.

Merrick: *crosses arms* this is degrading.

Jade: Shut up, Merrick.

Cricket: Shut up both of you!

xJadeRainx: Um, all right, Carl, can we send out Hali and Melody now?

Hali and Melody enter from off stage.

Melody: Hello, everyone.

Hali: Hi.

xJadeRainx: Okay, now that we're all together, we can get started! Sibling rival is a pandemic affecting families all over the globe. This is a very serious matter, folks, and we at The Fish Dish, intend to get to the bottom of all this.

Hali: Sibling rivalry? *shakes head* I can't speak for the merfolk over there, *points to aquarium* but get along swimmingly with my big sister. Ha, swimmingly! I'm so funny.

Melody: That's right. *Puts arm around Hali's shoulders* I love my baby sister!

Merrick: That's funny, Mel.

Jade: Oh, please, *snorts* the two of you are always going at it.

Cricket: *laughs* Like you guys are any better?

Merrick: Quiet, Cricket.

Cricket: I prefer to be called Crickēta, these days.

Jade: Why?

Cricket: *blushes* No reason. Never mind.

Merrick: *Suspiciously* Yeah, I'll bet.

xJadeRainx:*Astonishingly* I was speaking to Melody and Hali. Be patient. Your turns will come. *turns to the half human, half mermaid sisters* So, Hali, you claim that you and Melody _always_ get along.

Hali: Of course. *Smiles at Melody* Isn't that right, Mel?

Melody: It's true. Really, it is.

xJadeRainx: I see. Let us defer back to the first chapter of The Misadventures of Sali, Chapter One: Sisterly Love. I read and quote:

_Without anther moment's hesitation, Melody darted off, down the corridor, clumsily tripping over the Persian carpet. I calmly watched as my sister fled the scene in terror. As soon as Melody rounded the corner, I chased after her, like the lion after the gazelle. My dear older sister wasn't nearly as fast of a runner as me, for I was soon on her trail. Plus, I had an advantage, being smart enough, to kick off my heels first, before the chase. Melody quickly glanced over her shoulder, when she heard my footsteps swiftly approaching. Melody urged herself to go faster. I was close enough to hear her desperate panting. Reaching out m hand, I grasped at my sister, but only procured a fist-full of black hair. No, I wasn't going to give up so easily. Melody was mine._

xJadeRainx: Sound familiar, Hali?

Hali: *shifts uncomfortably in her seat* Vaguely.

xJadeRainx: Hmm, Hali, you sounded almost homicidal in this passage.

Melody: *Bitterly* More like psychotic.

Hali: She started it. *points to Melody* She betrayed me.

Melody: *Innocently* I only told Mom and Dad that you snuck out of the palace during storms to go body surfing on the huge waves. It was to protect you, and keep you safe, sis.

Hali: *Shouts* Liar! You did it to make my life miserable. Admit it!

Melody: *Defensively* That's not true! You've always been ungrateful. When have you ever done anything nice for me.

Hali: *Angrily* I can't believe you just went there.

Melody: *gravely* Oh, I went there. What ya gonna do about it?

Hali: *harshly jabs her sister with pointer finger* I'm the reason why you're even married to your husband. *Quizzically* And did you drop that kid yet?

Melody: Are you referring to whether or not I had the baby yet?

Hali: Duh!

Melody: I don't know. All xJadeRainx ever says is Melody and...

Hali: So, you don't even know if your pregnant right now, or not?

Melody: *Shrugs* And what do you mean, when you say that YOU are the reason why Lance and I are married.

Hali: It's the _truth_, Melody.

Melody: It certainly is not.

Hali: Oh, yes it is!

xJadeRainx: We're going to have our intern check the archives, and see what he can dig up? Is Hali or Melody right? We'll find out after the break.

Commercial: *Deep Male Voice Over: The Association of Evil Bunnies may try to brainwash you with their, new, and sudden commercials. They never cared before, why the sudden interest in television. Suspicious isn't it? Don't be fooled. Join the Zombie Librarians. They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY!

xJadeRainx: And we're back, viewers! Let's see what our intern as found. Kyle?

*Intern hands xJadeRainx a folder*

*xJadeRainx opens folder*

xJadeRainx: Okay, girls, this is from The Misadventrues of Sali, Chapter Two: Bargaining, and I quote.

_"Hali," Melody used her 'I'm older and smarter than you' voice, "Swimming during a storm is dangerous. The waves are too big!"_

_"What's the worst that can happen, Mel?" I retorted, "Would I drown? No."_

_"Look," Melody didn't have the chance to finish her thought._

_"Now, Dad has taken to checking up on me, anytime it even drizzles outside!"_

_"I really need your help," she begged once more, "and right now, your the only one who can help me."_

_"Fine," I conceded, "but for a price."_

_"I'll go get my change purse," Melody turned to leave my room._

_"Mel," I said rather annoyed, "money is the one thing in the world, that I don't need."_

_"Tell me what it is you want, and I'll name my demands," I explained._

_"At the ball tonight, Dad introduced me to a certain Lord Adelbert."_

_"And?"_

_"__And," Melody sneered at me, "Daddy wants Lord Adelbert's son to be my suitor."_

_"So," I shrugged my shoulders at her, "you're not getting any younger, and it's not like you have a boyfriend right now."_

_"Well..."_

_"Melody!" I grinned at my sister for the first time, "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"_

_"When I was studying abroad in Westland," explained Melody, "I met someone."_

_"Who?" I was desperate to know. Oh, sweet gossip!_

_"His name is Lance. He's the prince over there. I need you to scare away Lord Adelbert's son," Melody concluded._

Hali: Humphf! I went through a whole lot of trouble scaring that poor boy off. Frankly, I don't know what your problem, that boy was gorgeous.

Xavier: *From off screen* I heard that!

*From off screen Sam laughs*

Melody: Yeah, but you didn't do it for FREE. That cost me!

Hali: Well you can't get something for nothing, Mel.

*The sisters begin pulling each others hair*

xJadeRainx: Okay, then. Why don't we see who our other siblings are doing. Guys?

*Camera returns to the aquarium. Merrick, Jade and Cricket still arguing*

xJadeRainx: Guys!

Merrick: Sorry.

Jade: Yeah, sorry.

Cricket: *Silence*

Merrick: Cricket, say sorry!

Cricket: Sorry... I guess. *Sticks out tongue at Merrick*

Merrick: I'm going to cut that off one day.

Cricket: Sticks out tongue again* Mom would kill you!

xJadeRainx: Now, shy are you three always arguing, and the like?

Merrick: Do you know what it's like to grow up with only _sisters_?"

*Ariel screams from audience* _**YESSSSS!!!!!!**_

Jade: *Visibly uneasy* Aunt Ariel?

xJadeRainx: Don't mind her, dear. And no, Merrick, I don't know what it's like to grow up with only sisters. I have two brother's though. But that's a story for another day.

Merrick: *Sourly* Sisters! As a brother you have to protect them all the time. They're always doing stupid stuff! Like Cricket constantly trying to sneak into the Catfish Cabana when she knows she isn't old enough. Breaking rules is unacceptable.

Cricket: Um, you need to loosen up, and I already told you that my name is Crickēta, now, dummy.

Merrick: What is that, some sort of gang name? I'll find that gang and have it disbanded. Believe me.

Jade: She's right, Merrick. You need to loosen up, and let us make our own mistakes, so that we can learn from them.

Merrick: Like that boy you dated, what was his name again, Shark? _He_ was mistake.

Jade: *Hisses* I wouldn't know, because you scared him away!

Cricket: Actually, I think she learned a lesson there, Merrick. *Grins* She hasn't brought home a boy since! HAHAHA!

Merick: Hee-hee.

Jade: *Angrily* OOOOOHHHHH! *Lunges for Cricket*

Merrick: Hey, stop it, STOP IT! Mom will kill me if you guys come home with bruises.

xJadeRainx: Ugh, this is getting out of hand...

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

*Hali throws a chair, and it sails across the room towards Melody*

xJadeRainx: Um...

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: *Nervously* Before anyone gets hurt, 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and You!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Well, here is the long awaited update of The Fish Dish. The idea for today's episode was sent to us by the always wonderful, PrincessCricket. Thanks a bunch!

"A young, scrawny, acne scarred, buck tooth, goody two shoes, bookworm, who always carries pocket protectors and seems to always have a cold because he's always sniffling." Came directly from a review Converse r life left me, comparing Lysander to her brother. I thought that it was such a unique description of a sibling, that I just had to add it in this episode of sibling rivalry. I tweaked it slightly, but it still hold the original meaning.

And no, this does NOT mean that Cricket and Lysander are a couple. Okay?

I get to hungry for dinner at eight,

xJadeRainx

Since no one ever seems to listen to me, I'm going to put this is bold face type: **COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW.**


	8. Episode 8: Certifiably Insane

xJadeRainx: G'day, mates! We're back for another spectacular episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing sign signals applause*

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: And let me be the first to tell you, that we have officially lost our minds here on The Fish Dish.

*Audience laughs*

xJadeRainx: No, I'm being completely serious.

*Audience laughs again*

xJadeRainx* Sighs* Okay, I guess you'll just have to witness it for yourself.

Crazed teenage girl from audience: *Screams* Where's Sam?

xJadeRainx: Carl? How did she get in here? I thought she was on our black list?

*Producer shrugs*

xJadeRainx: Security! Escort her off the premise.

*Hulking security makes his way though studio audience towards crazed girl*

xJadeRainx: All right, folks, while Bob takes care of our little problem, we'll head to a commercial break. Don't touch that remote!

Commercial: *Female voice over* livE seinnuB dna seikooC lliw elur eht htraE. eW era noigel. llA ohw edepmi ruo stroffe llahs eur eht yad. livE seinnuB dna seikooC reverof!

xJadeRainx: *In trance like state* livE seinnuB dna seikooC reverof!

Producer: *Urgently* xJadeRainx!

xJadeRainx: livE seinnuB dna seikooC reverof!

Producer: xJadeRainx, snap out of it!

xJadeRainx: Carl? What happened? Where am I?

"Producer: *Shrugs* You're on the set of The Fish Dish. Should I send for a doctor?

xJadeRainx: *Shakes head* No, I feel fine, now. Where was I? Oh, yes, viewers, today's episode is devoted entirely to your questions.

*Cheers from audience*

xJadeRainx: As you can see, we have our aquarium ready, which means I will be asking your questions from characters from both sea and shore.

Audience: *Whistle, whistle, cheer*

xJadeRainx: All right then, why don't we mosey on over and see what we can dish up on the Fish Dish! Get it? Dish up! Fish Dish! I kill myself!

*Audience groans* Boo!

xJadeRainx: *With quivering lip* No need to be hostile. *Sniff-sniff* Well, let's get on with it. *Walks over to set.

*Ladon, King Triton, Cricket, Attina, and Merrick are seen in the aquarium, and King Eric, Hali, Xavier, and Sam are seen seated on set*

xJadeRainx: *Takes a seat* Viewers, I have here a goldfish bowl, and in it are slips of paper, with questions written on them.

Audience: Oooh, Ahhh!

xJadeRainx: Yes, yes, I know you're excited. *Draws out a slip of paper* Okay, the first question is for Ladon.

Ladon: *Smirks evilly* Excellent.

xJadeRainx: Anima-Animal-Animality asks, Do you like like Ceto or just like, or maybe love? Or do you not like her romantically at all? Basically, what are your feelings for her?

Ladon: *Thinking* What are my _feelings_ for Ceto? I do not understand this question. Murkens do not have _feelings_. They are impractical, and distracting.

xJadeRainx: So, are you saying that you don't love Ceto?

Ladon: Love, Ceto? No. She is promised to me. When I become Emperor of all of Murk, Ceto will give birth to my son, an heir.

xJadeRainx: Who ever said you will become Emperor of Murk? And how do you know that Ceto will bare a son, as opposed to a daughter?

Ladon: *Glares darkly at xJadeRainx*

xJadeRainx: Oookay, next question. *Reaches into fishbowl* This is for Sam. Sam, Converse r life asks... seriously? Do I really have to read this, Carl?

*Producer nods*

xJadeRainx: *Sighs dramatically* Sam, Converse r life would like to know if you will meet her backstage, alone, after the show.

Sam: *Flashes charming smile* I wouldn't miss if for the world!

xJadeRainx: Moving on. *Reads paper* To Xavier from Anima. What is Xavier favorite kind of ice cream?

Xavier: Oh, that's easy. Vanilla.

Sam: *Snorts*

Xavier: *Annoyed* What?

Sam: *In disbelief* Vanilla, really?

Xavier: *Indignantly* what's wrong with Vanilla?

Sam: It's boring, just like you!

Xavier: *Growling* Watch it!

Sam: I'm shaking in my boots.

xJadeRainx: Settle down boys, before I make you two do some more trust exercises.

*Both men instantly fall silent*

xJadeRainx: *Dips hand into fishbowl, and draws another slip of paper* Well, this is another one for Xavier. Wait a minute, this isn't even a question. It's more like a warning. OMG! She is a bold one. Carl, I'm not going to read this on air!

Producer: Yes you are, for the ratings.

xJadeRainx: *Sighs again* Okay, Xavier, Converse r life wants you to know this: Remember Xaxa! Whenever you *accidentally fall asleep* with Hali *winks*, always use protection! *Shakes head* She even wrote out her actions. Unbelievable.

*Hali and Xavier blush*

xJadeRainx: Sorry guys, blame Converse r live, and Carl. While Hali and Xavier, erm, cool off, lets hear a word from our sponsors. We'll be right back!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over" The Zombie Librarian Campaign strongly urges all viewers to seek medical attention. Earlier in the broadcast, The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies attempted a mass brainwashing. Only followers of the Zombie Librarians are safe. Take care of your bodies. Take care of your sanity. Join the Zombie Librarians today.

xJadeRainx: Weirdness... Okay, more questions. *Reads another sheet of paper* Well, this is a dare, not a question. What the heck! Anima dares Eric and Xavier to dance the Tango together, closely, for ten minutes.

Hali: *Scratches head* What?

Sam: Haha! Classic.

Xavier: I'm not doing that.

Sam: *Instigating* A real man would never back down from a dare.

Xavier: *Angrily* I am a real man.

Sam: Prove it.

Eric: *Hurt* No one asked me my opinion.

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* What is your opinion Eric?

Eric: I prefer the Cha Cha.

xJadeRainx: Well the dare was for the Tango. Aye you two going to dance or keep wasting time. We still have lots more questions.

Hali: *Whimpers* Please don't, please.

*Tango music starts*

xJadeRainx: Well, are you guys going to dance?

Xavier: No.

Sam: I double dog dare you.

Xavier: No.

Sam: Sissy.

Xavier: Excuse me?

Sam: *Smirks* Sissy. Only a sissy backs out of a double dog dare.

Xavier: *Turns red with anger* Fine. I'm no sissy. *Grabs Eric and they Tango*

xJadeRainx: We'll get back to them in ten minutes. *removes another slip of paper* This is from Anima again. Sam, do you like caramel popcorn, cheddar cheese popcorn, or buttery popcorn? I'm curious, 'cause I was having an argument with my sister about popcorn and which of the three is better.

*Crazed teenage girl runs across stage* Sam, Can I have your autograph?

Sam: *Leans far away from crazed girl* Do you have a pen?

*Crazed girl hands him a pen, and Sam signs his name on a piece of paper*

Crazed girl: Can I have a kiss?

Sam: No.

Hulking security guard: *Runs on stage* Stop! *hoists crazed girl over his shoulder*

xJadeRainx: Thanks, Bob.

*Hulking security guard points first to his eyes and then at xJadeRainx, and then stomps off*

xJadeRainx: Okay, um, Sam, I believe Anima wanted to know if you preferred caramel popcorn, cheddar cheese popcorn, or buttery popcorn?

Sam: *Rubs chin pensively* That is a tough question. I do like my popcorn. Oh, I can't decide. They are all great in their own right. That's why I like Christmas.

Hali: What does popcorn have to do with liking Christmas?

Sam: *Astounded* Because during the Christmas season, people sell those huge tins, with an assortment of all three flavors!

xJadeRainx: *Nodding* It's true. *Reads another paper* Oh, this one is for King Triton! *Addressing Triton* Are you ready?

Triton: Ready as I'll ever be.

xJadeRainx: Oookay, Converse r life asks, Can I borrow your trident, just for a few minutes? I won't hurt anyone with it...much. Just my Spanish and *scoff* Ethic's teacher...and possibly my school principal...hehe.

Triton: *Shudders* I'm inclined to say 'no' on that one.

*Camera pans across stage. Eric and Xavier are still dancing.*

xJadeRainx: Is anyone keeping time? They only need to dance for ten minutes.

Sam: *Grins* I'll keep time.

xJadeRainx: Besides Sam.

Sam: Please?

xJadeRainx: No. Kyle, our intern will keep the time, right Kyle?

*Intern gives thumbs up*

xJadeRainx: Okay, next question. *Reads* Can Merrick rap?

Merrick: *Proudly* In Atlantica, a few friends and myself made a demo rap album. Here's a little something we like to call the Ocean Rap. _We have a little of the ocean, the beach, and the bay, rocky shore, kelp forest, and the estuary. These are the homes of many living things, a list which I will sing: sea star, urchin, sea slug, snail, sea lion, seal, and the humpback whale, turtles, dolphins, sharks..._

xJadeRainx: That is quite enough, Merrick.

Cricket: Oh, thank Neptune!

xJadeRainx: *Looks at Eric and Xavier* Kyle, how much longer do they have?

Intern: Three minutes and twenty-five seconds.

xJadeRainx: All right, the next question is for Cricket. *Reads slip of paper* Converse r life has two questions for you. The first is, What do you think your mother is going to do to you when you return?

Cricket: *Smiles sweetly* She will send me straight off to bed, because she will know how dreadfully tired I am. Then, when I wake up in the morning, she will make sure that breakfast consists of all my favorite foods, and lastly, we will laugh at all the good old days.

Attina: Fat chance.

xJadeRainx: Okay, Cricket, Converse r life's second question is this, Do you think your mother is going to be shocked when she finds out that you've fallen in love? And don't try to deny that your not in love because you so are!

Attina: Fallen in love? What!

xJadeRainx: I think that answers the question sufficiently.

Merrick: Don't worry mom. She couldn't have fallen in love. *Pounds chest* Not on my watch!

xJadeRainx: *rolls eyes* Kyle, can they stop dancing now?

Intern: They can in thirty seconds.

XJadeRainx: Okay, there is time for a quick question. Here, I'm bored of this. *Hands Sam the fishbowl* Choose a slip of paper.

Sam: *Reaches into bowl* Hey, it's for me!

xJadeRainx: What does it say?

Sam: Anima wants to know if I can break dance.

xJadeRainx: Well, can you?

Sam: I've never tried, but as I mentioned before in the Misadventures of Sali: The Reprise, I never dance.

Intern: Times up!

Hali: Thank goodness.

xJadeRainx: Let's just get this over with. Hali, Anima would like to know how you just felt about that whole fiasco.

Hali: That was the most disturbing thing, I have ever witnessed.

xJadeRainx: My sympathies. Sam, hand Hali the fishbowl, and let her pick a paper.

Hali: *Draws out a slip* Well, this is timely. Aunt Attina, Converse r life asks, How mad are you at Cricket for swimming off to Murk?

Attina: *Laughing* Mad? That's an understatement. When she comes back, Neptune help her! That girl will wish she had never disobeyed me! And I'll never let her out of mu sight again, let me tell you. I might even chain the girl to my arm, if I have to.

xJadeRainx: Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Hali, pass the bowl.

*Hali passes the fishbowl to Eric*

Eric: *Draws a paper, and reads* Well this sounds vaguely familiar.

Hali: What does, Dad?

Eric: Converse r life asks Attina, When Marin *fell* off the bed, he said the last time that had happened was two years before before, when he forgot your anniversary. What anniversary (wedding, meeting him, first kiss etc.), what did you do to him when he forgot (how did you punish him), were you mad at him, what did he do to make it up, and if he ever did it again, what would you do to him?

Attina: *Laughs nervously* I don't know what she is implying. Marin is always tossing and turning. If he fell out of bed on our anniversary, it was merely a coincidence.

xJadeRainx: *Sarcastically* Yeah sure.

Producer: Three minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Eric, how many slips of paper are left?

Eric: Only one.

xJadeRainx" Perfect. Read it.

Eric: *Opens the folded slip of paper* Um is this even in English? I don't understand it.

xJadeRainx: Try your best.

Eric: Okay. Hali, Converse r life asks, You know what you should do to figure out the riddle? You should Google it! That's what I did! Aren't I just a genius?

Hali: What's Google?

Eric: I have no idea.

xJadeRainx: *Proudly* I know! It's a search engine.

Eric: *Confused* It is an engine that searches? What does it search for?

xJadeRainx: Anything in the world.

Hali: *Starry eyed* Daddy, will you buy me a search engine, please?

Eric: I'll buy you anything you want, sweetheart.

xJadeRainx: It's... you can't... oh, never mind.

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: Hallelujah! This has been, 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and you!

*End music and credits*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Well, folks, that was our very first question and answer session. What did yo think? I warned you that we had lost our minds. Thank you Anima-Animal_Animality, and Converse r life, for their interesting questions.

Merrick's Ocean Rap, is an actually song recorded by the Banana Slug Sting Bad, on an album entitled Slugs at Sea. Google, really does know everything. You can listen to a few seconds of the song at his link. http:// mog. com/music/Banana_Slug_String_Band/Slugs_at_Sea (no spaces) Thankfully, it is only a few seconds long!

Suzie has a cow on her head,

xJadeRainx

As always: **COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW.**


	9. Episode 9: Who Would Have Thunk?

xJadeRainx: Namaste and welcome to another episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing sign signals applause*

*Audience claps and cheers*

xJadeRainx: Today, we have a few questions to answer from one faithful viewer, Anima-Animal-Animality!

*Audience whistles*

xJadeRainx: Yes, I know she is awesome, and her questions are only the first part of the show!

Audience: *Whistle, Whistle* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: After Anima's concerns have been addressed, we have a little family reunion planned!

Audience: *Tenderly* Awww.

xJadeRainx: *Laughs* Wait! You don't even know what family I'm referring to! Would you like to know now, or be surprised later?

Audience: *Cheers* Now!

xJadeRainx: *Hesitantly* Well... okay! It's Melody, Lance and their new baby, Karah!

Audience: *Chants* Baby, baby, baby!

xJadeRainx: I realize that you are all excited to meet her, but we have to get to Anima's questions first. We'll be right back with our guests after this quick commercial break.

Commercial: *Female voice over* This is a message approved by the Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies. When you donate blood, what is the first thing the doctor tells you to do? Why, it's have a cookie. They're good for your blood sugar. In a petting zoo, what are the friendliest creatures of all. Bunnies, that's right! What then, do the Zombie Librarians have to offer you? Nothing but charges for overdue Library books.

xJadeRainx: Welcome back, fans! As you can see we have only two guests at the moment. Ceto and Merrick are safely swimming in our aquarium.

Merrick: *To Ceto* Hello, have we met?

Ceto: No.

*Merrick shrugs and swims to the other side of the aquarium*

xJadeRainx: Anima also had some questions for Sam, but I can't seem to find him anywhere? He never came home last night.

Crazed teenage girl from audience: NOOOOO!!!!!! SAM, WHY!!!!!!

xJadeRainx: *Fearfully* I have to admit that I am really worried about him... *looks up at crazed girl* for several reasons. Bob! Get her out of here.

*Hulking Security guard chases crazed girl out of studio*

xJadeRainx *Sighs* Okay then, let's take care of these questions. The first is for Merrick, If Cricket has fallen in love with Lysander what would you do to keep me from killing her? ( Oh don't kill Lysander! I can have him!)

*Ceto gasps*

Merrick: *Raises eyebrows at Ceto* Who's Lysander? I've already told you people that Cricket isn't in love. I'd never allow such a terrible thing to happen on my watch! And as for keeping you from murdering my sister, that's easy, I'd lock you in a room with my mother. You wouldn't stand a chance.

xJadeRainx: Right, the next question is for Ceto. It goes, Ceto, when do you plan on dieing?

Ceto: *Frowning* Does anyone plan on dieing? Should I be afraid?

xJadeRainx: Maybe you should be?

Ceto: What does she have against me anyway?

xJadeRainx: *Shrugs* I don't know, but whatever it is, it's big. She asked me if I would allow her to kill you.

Ceto: *In fear* Will you.

xJadeRainx: I'm considering it.

Ceto: *whimpers* But why?

xJadeRainx: Payback for the way you have treated Lysander over the years.

Merrick: *Angrily* Who's Lysander?

xJadeRainx and Ceto: Shut up!

xJadeRainx: *rubs head* I think I'm getting a headache. Let's take a short break, folks. Don't touch that remote!

*Intern runs on stage and hands xJadeRainx a paper*

xJadeRainx: What is this, Kyle?

Intern: There's been a last minute change in the show's line up.

xJadeRainx: There has? *Reads paper* well, this is a first here on the Fish Dish, viewers, but we are going to have our first musical guests.

Audience: Oooh, Ahhh!

xJadeRainx: It says here, they're called the Bleeding Hearts. Carl, send them out!

*Stage lights dim, and colored spotlights fall on a two man band, a lead singer with his guitar, and a drummer. Both men have their heads facing downward.*

*The music starts, and the band members look up*

Sam: *Lead singer on guitar*

It's been one week since you looked at me  
Cocked your head to the side and said "I'm angry"  
Five days since you laughed at me saying  
"Get that together come back and see me"  
Three days since the living room  
I realized it's all my fault, but couldn't tell you  
Yesterday you'd forgiven me  
but it'll still be two days till I say I'm sorry

Xavier: *On drums*

Hold it now and watch the hoodwink  
As I make you stop, think  
You'll think you're looking at Aquaman  
I summon fish to the dish, although I like the Chalet Swiss  
I like the sushi  
'cause it's never touched a frying pan

Sam:

Hot like wasabe when I bust rhymes  
Big like LeAnn Rimes  
Because I'm all about value  
Bert Kaempfert's got the mad hits  
You try to match wits, you try to hold me but I bust through

Xavier:  
Gonna make a break and take a fake  
I'd like a stinkin achin shake  
I like vanilla, it's the finest of the flavours  
Gotta see the show, cause then you'll know  
The vertigo is gonna grow  
Cause it's so dangerous,  
you'll have to sign a waiver

Sam:

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad  
Trying hard not to smile though I feel bad  
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral  
Can't understand what I mean?  
Well, you soon will  
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve  
I have a history of taking off my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me  
Threw your arms in the air  
and said "You're crazy"  
Five days since you tackled me  
I've still got the rug burns on both my knees  
It's been three days since the afternoon  
You realized it's not my fault  
not a moment too soon  
Yesterday you'd forgiven me  
And now I sit back and wait til you say you're sorry

Xavier:

Chickity China the Chinese chicken  
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'  
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on  
We're dans la maison  
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one  
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic  
Like Sting I'm tantric  
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy

Sam:

Like Kurasawa I make mad films  
Okay, I don't make films  
But if I did they'd have a Samurai  
Gonna get a set a' better clubs  
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs  
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the back-swing  
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon  
'Cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes  
That make me think the wrong thing

How can I help it if I think you're funny when you're mad  
Tryin' hard not to smile though I feel bad  
I'm the kind of guy who laughs at a funeral  
Can't understand what I mean?  
Well, you soon will  
I have a tendency to wear my mind on my sleeve  
I have a history of losing my shirt

It's been one week since you looked at me  
Dropped your arms to your sides  
and said "I'm sorry"  
Five days since I laughed at you and said  
"You just did just what I thought you were gonna do"  
Three days since the living room  
We realized we're both to blame,  
but what could we do?  
Yesterday you just smiled at me  
Cause it'll still be two days till we say we're sorry

It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry  
It'll still be two days till we say we're sorry  
Birchmount Stadium, home of the Robbie

xJadeRainx: When did Sam and Xavier start a band! WTF? *Shakes head* Um... Okay, I think it's time for that commercial now.

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Do you remember that time when you made a trip to your local library and the librarian helped you select one of the best books you have ever read? Well, we do? Zombie Librarians care for you. They are here to educate and nurture the world one book at a time. What do Evil Bunnies do, they eat the valuable pages inside those books, and can you really trust cookies with razor sharp teeth? The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies are only out to destroy. Join the Zombie Librarian campaign. They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY... for justice!

xJadeRainx: Well, we're back once again, viewers. As you can see, Merrick and Ceto are gone, Xavier and Sam are also gone, and Melody, Lance and baby Karah have taken their places on stage. Let's meet that baby!

Melody: xJadeRainx, when did Sam and Xavier start a band?

xJadeRainx: I don't know.

Lance: I thought they didn't like each other.

xJadeRainx: They don't.

Melody: I'll bet Hali made them do that.

Lance: That song was totally random and made absolute no sense.

xJadeRainx: Well, I think that song may have more meaning to it than you think?

Lance: Like what?

xJadeRainx: Never mind. For get it. Let's talk about that baby now! Lance, what was your first impression when you saw your new daughter for the first time?

Lance: I thought she was the dearest little thing I had ever laid eyes on.

xJadeRainx: Melody, why did you name her Karah?

Melody: Because, I thought she was the dearest little thing I had ever laid eyes on.

Audience: Awww!

xJadeRainx: *Smiles* Awww, they think alike!

Lance: *Sourly* I still can't believe you named her without me.

Melody: Really? Because I told you I would in my letter. I said that if you weren't here by the time the baby was born, then I reserved the right to name him or her anything I liked.

Lance: *Whines* I thought you were kidding.

Melody: *Shrugs* Nope.

xJadeRainx: Huh, very interesting. Karah, how do you feel about all of this?

Karah: *Gurgles in Melody's arms* Googoo, gaga!

Lance and Melody: *Adoringly* Awwww....

xJadeRainx: See, you do think a like!

Melody: Not all the time.

Lance: She has a point. Not all the time. Like how she was compelled wrong to name _our_ baby without me.

Melody: *Singing* You should have been there.

xJadeRainx: Oh come on you two, kiss and make up!

Audience: Kiss, kiss, kiss!

*Melody and Lance kiss*

*Audience goes wild*

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: Okay, guys say goodbye to our viewers.

*Melody and Lace still kissing*

Producer: Five Seconds left!

xJadeRainx: *Shrugs* Well, on behalf of all of us, this has been 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and you!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Sam and Xavier started a band? One or both of them had to be DRUNK to do that... Anyway, the song is from the Barenaked Ladies, called One Week. Here's a link to the song, (No spaces). http: //www. youtube. com/watch?v=fC_q9KPczAg

I had Xavier sing the parts with French words, and the part about liking vanilla. It just made sense to me. Anyway, the song is dedicated to someone. You know who you are. The question is did you like it? In any case it still was a strange song choice. Oh well, what more can you expect form a couple of drunken men?

Also, congratulations to Germany for surpassing the United States in the Olympic medal count with nine medals. 3 gold, 4 silver, and 2 bronze. Don't worry Team USA, you still have plenty to time to catch up!

I read the news today, oh boy,

xJadeRainx


	10. Episdoe 10: Chronicles of the Fish Dish

*The Fish Dish credits open. xJadeRainx and Anima-Animal-Animality are standing on stage, dressed very formally. There is a romantic ambiance. Lighted candles, the scent of rose petals, a table set for two...*

xJadeRainx: Ah, viewers, love is in the air tonight on The Fish Dish. *laughs* No, not for me and Anima.

Anima: Nope I only love Lysander! *romantic sigh*

xJadeRainx: We are here, to force a romantic couple back together. You see, there seems to be a misunderstanding, and Sam and Converse r life have broken up.

*Horrified gasps from audience*

Anima: I know right?

xJadeRainx: No worries though. By the end of this episode, they'll HAVE to get back together. Won't they, Anima?

Anima: Definitely! Or I'll pay ninja squirrels to feast off of their flesh and bones!! Mwhahahahahahaha!!!*Clears throat* Excuse me, I tend to have flashes of insanity. It's mostly laughing though!

xJadeRainx: Tell the audience what we have planned for music.

Amina: Tonight, we have wonderful classic music by the Lovely Rose, and her mentor, Thomas

*Rose and Thomas hold up their violins and wave*

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: Yes, that's right, and we also have Hali setting the mood by singing some romantic background music.

Audience: Awww.

*Hali blows kisses to camera*

xJadeRainx: *Points to romantic lover's table* And the food! We can't forget about the food, Anima.

Anima: Chef Alex is the top Chef in all of Shireland and Takeshi may be blind but he's a great cook.

xJadeRainx: What's more, The Fish Dish is brought to you without those annoying commercial breaks tonight!

Audience: *Amazed* Oooh.

xJadeRainx: We're not finished yet! For tonight's episode, Carl has been mysteriously locked in a closet. So that means absolutely no interruptions!

Anima: Yup! Mysteriously...*Laughs nervously*

xJadeRainx: Let's bring out Converse r life, first. Shall we Anima?

Anima: Yep! Just don't let her hurt me....I'm not sure if she's over the whole thing about me out of school for a week thing yet.

xJadeRainx: Kyle, send out Converse r life. It's time for Operation L'amour!

Converse r life: *Enters and looks around puzzled* What is all this?

xJadeRainx: We know that you've been depressed lately, and since Anima and I are your friends, here on fanfiction, we've set you up with a special blind date.

Converse r life: Is is Devil?

Anima: Nah. He's not allowed on dates for a while. He has upset me deeply by not making me a Solar powered ipod...

xJadeRainx: Kyle, please send out Converse r life's blind date!

Sam: *Enters* What's going on here?

xJadeRainx: Why it's a romantic candle lit dinner for two, silly.

Sam: Really, because it looks like an intervention.

Anima:*scoff* No it's not. How could you think that we would stoop that low?

Converse r life: *Crosses arms* I'm leaving.

xJadeRainx: Security Block the exits!

*Hulking security guards block any and all exits*

Converse r life: That's a fire hazard. Let me through! *tries to push past Bob, the head security guard*

*Bob forces Converse r life back on set*

Sam:*Angrily* Hey! Get your hands off her!

Audience: Awww.

xJadeRainx: That was pretty sweet. I'd call it chivalrous, wouldn't you Anima?

Anima: Awww. I just love those kind of things.....

xJadeRainx: Will you two love birds sit down at the table now?

*Sam sits immediately*

Converse r life: Um... no.

xJadeRainx: You can sit willingly, or I can have Bob break both your legs.

Sam: *Growls* That would be the last mistake he ever makes.

Audience: Awww.

Anima: What if he tries to break your legs too, Sam? What if he's a secret Ninja?

*Bob cracks knuckles, and points first to his eyes, and then at Converse r life.*

*Converse r life sits*

xJadeRainx: Anima, hurry up and cue the music.

Anima: Hurry Rose! Before it turn into a blood bath!

*Rose and Thomas begin playing Someone to Watch Over Me. Hali sings the lyrics sweetly*

_There's a saying old  
Says that love is blind -  
Still we're often told,  
"Seek and ye shall find."  
So I'm going to seek  
A certain lad I've had in mind.  
Looking everywhere,  
Haven't found him yet;  
He's the big affair  
I cannot forget.  
Only man I ever  
Think of with regret.  
I'd like to add his initials to my monogram.  
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost  
lamb.  
There's a somebody I'm longing to see  
I hope that he  
Turns out to be  
Someone who'll watch over me.  
I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood.  
I know I could  
Always be good  
To one who'll watch over me.  
Although he may not be the man some  
Girls think of as handsome  
To my heart he carries the key.  
Won't you tell him please to put on some  
speed -  
Follow my lead -  
Oh! How I need  
Someone to watch over me.  
Someone to watch over me._

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* That was a romantic song, wasn't it?

Anima: *dreamy sigh* Yes...I just wish Lysander was here......

Sam: Converse r life, I'm sorry. Please, please forgive me.

Converse r life: *Crosses arms* Humphf!

xJadeRainx: *To Anima* Hmm, this isn't going very well. Bring in the food.

Anima: Okay, Time for the wonderful food! Chef Alex, Takeshi, Do your thing.

*Chef Alex and Takeshi wave to audience*

xJadeRainx: Tell us a little about the meal you prepared for tonight.

Takeshi: We have whipped up a delicious, char-grilled fillet mignon.

Chef Alex: *Kisses fingers* Mahw, perfect!

Takeshi: Tender cuts of filler mignon, elegantly presented on the dinner plate.

Chef Alex: A zesty fresh salad, with the perfect dressing for added flavor.

Takeshi: Sparkling cider for the happy couple.

*Chef Alex pours cider in tall champagne flutes*

xJadeRainx: Mmmm, sounds scrumptious.

Anima: Sure does!

xJadeRainx: Shall we send out the waitress and maitre d?

*Enter Melody dressed in a black dress, and Devil in a handsome suit*

Melody: Bienvenue au café de l'amour!

Devil: What?

Melody: I was trying to be romantic. It's French for Welcome to the café of love.

Devil: Oh. Well, enjoy your meal.

*Melody lifts dish cover to revel the delicious food*

xJadeRainx: *elbows Anima gently* Dinner music, now!

Anima: More beautiful music.

Rose: You could say please...

Anima: Pleeaase?

*Again Rose and Thomas play on their violins and Hali sings romantic Lyrics*

_Hold me close and hold me fast  
The magic spell you cast  
This is la vie en rose_

_When you kiss me heaven sighs  
And though I close my eyes  
I see la vie en rose_

_When you press me to your heart  
I'm in a world apart  
A world where roses bloom_

_And when you speak...angels sing from above  
Everyday words seem...to turn into love songs_

_Give your heart and soul to me  
And life will always be  
La vie en rose_

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* So sweet. Sam, hand Converse r life the bouquet of roses on the table.

Sam: Here, *Smiles charmingly* I got these for you.

Converse r life: *Blushes* Um... thanks

xJadeRainx: *To Anima* I think it's working now!

Anima: You think? Of course it's working!

xJadeRainx: *To Sam* Say something.

Sam: Uh... you're more beautiful than Beyonce, Jessica Alba, and Megan Fox combined.

Converse r life: OMG! That's so sweet.

Anima: Super sweet! Good Job Sam!

Devil : Cheeezy! Good with nachos too!

*Melody twists Devil's ear*

xJadeRainx: *Whispers urgently* The candy, give her the candy!

Sam: Here these are for you. They're your favorites, right?

Converes r life: Awww, how did you know?

Sam: I know everything about you?

Anima: *Slaps forehead*

Sam: Okay, maybe not EVERYTHING, but I'd like to.

xJadeRainx: Oh, just kiss already!

Anima: Kiss! Kiss!

*Sam and Converse r life Kiss*

Sam: We can take things slowly. You don't have to forgive me all at once.

*Converse r life kisses Sam again*

Audience: Awww.

Anima: *Sigh with a dreamy expression* That's so beautiful. Okay Ninja squirrels! I don't need you anymore!

*Ninja squirrels sigh and walk away sadly*

xJadeRainx: *Holds finger to lips* Shhh, this has been 23 skiddo...

Anima: The Fish Dish and you!

*xJadeRainx, Anima, and everyone else sneak off stage leaving the two lovers alone.*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Sigh, that was so beautiful! Help them out guys. In your review, let Sam and Converse r life know that they belong with each other. Their fate is in your hands!

Tonight's episoded was co written by myself and Anima-Animal-Animality.

Songs this episode are Someone to watch over me. Here's the link.

http:// www. youtube. com/watch?v=HM2bh1bQSfE

And La Vie en Rose. Here's the link

http:/ /www. youtube. com/watch?v=8IJzYAda1wA

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW.**

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore,

xJadeRainx


	11. Episode 11: Never Kiss and Tell

xJadeRain: Hallo, and thanks for tuning into yet another episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing sign signals applause*

xJadeRainx: Well viewers, you may be interested to hear, that in today's episode, we will be answering some more of your questions!

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: Plus...

Audience: *Shouts* Plus what?

xJadeRainx: *Laughing* Well...

Audience: *Impatiently* Well what?

xJadeRainx: Since Sam was acting like a total jerk, Converse r life has asked him to give us a special performance.

Audience: Oooh, Ahhh!

xJadeRainx: Yes, let's just say that it will come as a surprise.

Audience: *Whistle, whistle, cheer*

xJadeRainx: If you would be so kind to look over to your right, you'll will see that our giant aquarium contains King Triton, Attina, Cricket, and Lysander, today!

*Applause from audience*

xJadeRainx: And joining us on the set of The Fish Dish is Eric, Ariel and Hali.

Audience: Awww.

xJadeRainx: Yes, I know. They are a very happy, though not quite complete family... Anyways, viewers, it's time for a commercial break. Stay tuned!

Commercial: *Female voice over* Parents, do you know what every child wants for his birthday this year? Why Evil Bunny and Cookies plushies, of course! Buy yours today at your local Wal-Mart!

xJadeRainx: Well, they ARE pretty cutle plushies... *Shakes head* Oh, right... the questions. Um, let's start with the merfolk, then, shall we? *Walks over to tank* Lysander, Anima would like to know where you plan on taking her for a first date.

Lysander: *Stuttering* W-what? A date!

xJadeRainx: You're eighteen years old. Are you telling me you've never been on a date?

Lysander: *Blushing* Of course I have!

xJadeRainx: Yeah, if you say so... Anyway, Lysander where WOULD you take her on a date?

Lysander: *Rubs back of neck* What would you suggest?

xJadeRainx: A coral reef. They are very romantic spots.

Lysander: There are no coral reefs in Murk....

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* Then take her to where there is one, duh!

Lysander: *Smiles* All right, then. I shall take Anima to a coral reef!

xJadeRainx: Cricket how do you feel about that.

Lysander: *With confusion* Why should she care?

Cricket: *Crosses arms* Humphf! I couldn't care less.

xJadeRainx: *Silence* Moving on. Okay, Triton, our EXTREMELY, faithful, wonder viewer, Converse r life wants to know these two things. One: Are you sure she can't borrow your Trident so that she can talk to her Spanish teacher about her grades?

Triton: *Scratching head* She doesn't need my Trident for that...

xJadeRainx: Well she seems to think so... Oh, well. Her next question for you is this: Were you an overprotective father when you're daughters starting dating?

Triton: no, of course not.

xJadeRainx: Converse r life thought you might have said that... Attina, her next question is for you. Was Triton an overprotective dad when you and your sisters were dating?

Attina" *Smiling* Yes, he was. Ariel is a testament to that. *To audience* You are all familiar with Ariel 's story, right?

*Audience nods and murmurs*

xJadeRainx: Okay, next question! Cricket, Converse r life asks, was Merrick always boring and overprotective?

Cricket: Merrick isn't boring! Not, exactly... He was much more fun when we were younger though. Now his new profession is like, Little Sisters' Boyfriend Exterminator. *Sigh*

xJadeRainx: Well, it seems we have one more question for Attina. Attina, Converse r life wants to know, what was it like to be the oldest sister without your mom, and have a hyper sister like Ariel?

Attina: Well it was tough being the oldest sister. I almost felt like their mother at times... and when Ariel disappeared for three days and none of us knew where she had gone... *Sigh* that was a bad time for everyone. Oh, Ariel... sometimes you are just so thoughtless.

xJadeRainx: Well, it's that time again, fans. We'll return right after this commercial break.

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* The Zombie Librarians wish to invite you to celebrate National Book Month with them! Enjoy, food, face painting, and puppet shows with your favorite Zombie Librarians. Free books for everyone! Visit your local library for further details.

xJadeRainx: Welcome back to The Fish Dish, everyone. Before we join our guests on set, let's get to that surprise we have planned for you!

Audience: Yeah!

*Lights dim, and strobe lights turn on*

xJadeRainx: Carl, send out Sam, now!

*Producer pushes Sam, who is trying to escape onto stage*

*Music starts*

xJadeRainx: All right Sam, you know that if you want Converse r life to forgive you, then you have to breakdance on air.

*Sam whines*

xJadeRainx: Do you love her?

Sam: Of course I love her!

xJadeRainx: Then get to breakdancing!

Sam: *Grumbles* Fine.

*Sam breakdances*

http:// www. youtube. com/watch?v=7tlqJhShjGw

*Music ends and Sam stops*

xJadeRainx: Wow, Sam. That was pretty good.

Sam: *Panting* Thanks.

xJadeRainx: Um, why don't you go take a seat next to Hali. We have some questions for you, too.

Sam: *Still panting* Awesome.

xJadeRainx: Well, since Sam is so out of breath, let's start with Eric. Anima would like to know, how would you react if you had a son, and caught Ariel trying to style his hair.

Eric: If Ariel ever tried to style Eric Jr.'s hair...

Ariel: *Snorting* Eric Jr.?

Eric: *Ignoring his wife* I would wrench the brush out of her fingers and toss it out the highest window in the palace.

xJadeRainx: Okay... so you would rather have your son to never brush his hair? Weirdo... Alright, Converse r life also has a question for you, Eric: Okay so like, my dad has this really weird rule that I'm not alowed to date until I'm sixteen (*rolls eyes* and I'm SO following it *sarcasm*). What is your stance on the subject?

Eric: *nods* I think your father is absolutely right. You are a good girl for listening to him. *Glares at Hali*

*Hali shrugs*

xJadeRainx: So, Hali, Converse r like wants to know: Your first kiss was with the prince of Spain, right? Well can you specify how it was? Like, where exactly it was, did your parents ever find out etc.?

Hali: *Nervously* Prince of Spain? I've never even met the Prince of Spain.

Ariel: Sure you have, honey. His name is Javier. He visited the Shireland with his parents. The King and Queen had business to sort out with our kingdom.

Eric: *Agreeing* Yes, you must have been fourteen at the time.

Hali: Oh. In any case. fourteen is WAY to young young to be kissing boys! Converse r life, must be mistaken. It's not like I would have been making out with Javier in the library or anything like that... hee-hee.

Eric: *Stares at his daughter* Yeah... I should hope not.

xJadeRainx: *Hurriedly* Moving on to Ariel, now. Ariel, Converse r life asks, What was the worst thing you ever did to get you beached--and for how long were you beached?

Ariel: There are so many times I was beached as a kid, that I can't even remember, sorry.

Hali: So, that's where I get it from!

Ariel: *Sighs* It's true.

Eric: *Indignantly* Do you see what I have to live with?

Hali: Oh, please. You love every minute of it.

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Okay, since we're running out of time, let's get to Sam, quickly. Sam, Anima want to know if you will be her best friend.

Sam: *Shrugs* Sure, why not?

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: All right, Sam, last question. Devil wants to know if you know how to use a sword. If you do, he would like you to teach him some tricks.

Sam: Sorry, Devil, but i really don't know how to use a sword. I know how to cut a coconut open with a machete, but sword... not so much. Hannah knows how to use a sword, however I wouldn't suggest going to her for lessons. *Shudders* Definitely not.

Producer: Five seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Well, we're out of time for today. until next time, 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and You!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Watching the Olympics right now. Speed racing is really quite exciting. If you're not a fan, you should seriously consider converting.

Well, this concludes the second question and answer session of The Fish Dish. I hoped you liked it. Please don't be shy. We love to hear from all our fans!

I can't smile without you,

xJadeRainx

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW.**


	12. Episode 12: The Weirdest Questions Ever!

xJadeRain: Salaam and good evening, my friends! Once again, you have ventured into the Fish Dish Zone. *Scary music starts*

*Flashing lights signal applause*

xJadeRainx: Um, Carl, maybe we should have saved that for next Halloween.

*Producer shakes head*

xJadeRainx: *shrugs* Okay, you're the professional. *Turns to audience* We have quite a full hose today, you know.

*Audience cheers* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: I'm glad to see you're so excited, but let me introduce today's guests.

Audience: *Whistle, whistle* Yeah!

xJadeRainx: Well, in our trusty aquarium, we have with us, Serene...

Audience: Aww...

xJadeRainx: Yes, I know she's cute, but we also have her mother Andrina, Ambrosia, Jade, Merrick, Cricket, Attina, and King Triton!

*Audience goes wild*

xJadeRainx: And as for our human friends we have, Hali, Ariel, Eric, Melody, Xavier and Sam! *Sighs* Whew, I told you we had a full house.

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: After expending that much breath with those introductions, I could use a break. We'll be right back after a quick word from our sponsors.

Commercial: *Female voice over* Evil Bunnies and Cookies are currently accepting applications to join their mighty army. Do you have a pet bunny, in need of some exercise, or a left over tray of stale cookies? Well, The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies welcome them with open arms, or in this case, paws. Write to the AOEB for further information.

xJadeRainx: *Slaps head* Great, their growing in numbers now... we're all doomed. Doomed I say!

Producer: A-hem.

xJadeRainx: Oh, right. Sorry Carl. *Addressing audience* Shall we get to those questions now?

Audience: Yes!

xJadeRainx: Okay, look towards that video monitor overhead, folks. Our questions for today's episode will appear in large bold lettering:

*Video screen reads* Andrina, Did you know that your daughter has a HUGE crush on Xaxa, HALI'S fiancee? And also, how are you going to tell her that Hali and Xaxa are getting married, not her and Xaxa? -Converse r life.

xJadeRainx: Hmm, an interesting question, indeed. Andrina, what do you have to say about that?

Andrina: Serene's only six years old! She doesn't have a crush on Xavier!

xJadeRainx: *Slowly* All right... Let's turn back to that video monitor now.

*Video monitor reads* Serene, I'm very confused, and I need you to help me answer this question. Who do you think is cuter, Darwin, or Xaxa? And you MUST answer. -Converse r life.

Serene: *hugging Darwin* Darwin is cuter.

xJadeRainx: Really?

Hali: *Hopefully* Yeah, really?

Serene: yeah, *sighs* but _Xavier_ is handsome!

Andrina: Serene?

xJadeRainx: Hold that thought Andrina, but let's see what our Video monitor asks, before we hear your reaction to what Serene just said.

*Video monitor reads* Serene, Do you plan on becoming a ninja so that you can assassinate Hali on her wedding night, and having Xavier all to yourself? - Anima-Animal-Animality.

Andrina: What kind of questions are these? That's ridiculous!

Serene: *Sweetly* Mommy?

Andrina: *With exasperation* What is it, Serene?

Serene: Can I take Ninja lessons?

Andrina: No!

xJadeRainx: Oh, go easy on the kid, Andrina. She's too cute to be yelled at.

Xavier: She really is too cute to be yelled at...

*Serene giggles*

Hali: *glares at Xavier* This is all your fault.

xJadeRainx: *Hurriedly* Okay, next question!

*Video Monitor reads* Hannah, how's it going? *Video Monitor rolls film, and we see Hannah, barefoot, in tattered clothing, chained to a wall* Warren: be careful, xJadeRainx, she's a feisty one. Thanks, Warren, but I'm safe as long as she's behind bars. xJadeRainx: All right, Hannah, but our viewer Anima wanted to ask how you are doing. Hannah: Get that camera out of my face! *Spits on camera lens* *Video ends*

xJadeRainx: I hope that answers your question, Anima. *Shrugs* Well, it's about that time again, fans. Don't touch that remote, we'll be right back!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Voting season is quickly approaching. The Zombie Librarians which to remind their constituents to vote for the party. Zombie Librarians for mayor 2010. They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY!

xJadeRainx: I know who I'm voting for this election!

*Producer shakes head*

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* fine, I'll step down from my soapbox, this time. Audience, let's again consult our video monitor.

*video monitor reads* Hali, Are you afraid of your wedding night? -Anima

Hali: Afraid of my wedding night? Of course not! I'm quite looking forward to my wedding night, actually...

Eric: I think I'm going to be sick. *Ariel pats his shoulder*

*Video monitor reads* Xavier, if you woke to find Hali dead beside you, who would be your first suspect?

Xavier: Andrina's right... What kind of questions are these? Going by the randomness of the question, I'm going to have to say, Anima. *Puts protective arm around Hali.*

*Serene glares*

xJadeRainx: Um, I don't think Anima is the one you have to worry about, Xavier...

*Video monitor reads* Hali, do you like the suffix 'avier'? First Javier then Xavier...then again they are pronounced differently... -Anima

Hali: *Silence* You know, I never noticed that until right now. Huh, that _is_ weird.

Xavier: *To Hali* So... do you want to tell me who this Javier is?

Hali: Not really.

Xavier: *Sighs and crosses arms* figures.

xJadeRainx: *Points* Look, the video monitor!

*Video monitor reads* Eric, will you cry at Hali's wedding? -Anima

Eric: *Scoffs* Real men never cry.

Ariel: *Smirks* Oh, please, you nearly cried the entire first night Melody spent in her new home, remember?

*Eric mumbles*

*Video monitor reads* Jade, would you ever try dating a sailor? Just wondering... -Converse r life.

Jade: *Considering* Well, maybe if he proved to be of strong moral character...

Cricket: *Snorts* Strong moral character? When's the last time you had a date, Jade? Beggars can't be choosers!

Jade: What's your problem?

xJadeRainx: Cricket, are you a bit on edge, becuase Lysander is on that date with Anima today?

Cricket: *Shouting* I already told you people, that I don't really care what those two do when they're alone!

xJadeRainx: Right... keep telling yourself that, Cricket. Let's look at another question.

*Video monitor reads* Cricket, Do you think it's annoying that your family still treats you like a kid, instead of a seventeen year old? -Converse r life.

Cricket: Of course it does! I'm seventeen, and they all treat me like I'm seven. Then again, I guess it's the same for all seventeen year old girls across the universe. I'll bet there's a teenage girl on Mars somewhere complaining about the same thing...

Attina: Oh, Cricket, now you're just being ridiculous. *Licks thumb* Wait a minute sweetie, you have a smudge on your chin.

Cricket: Mom!

xJadeRainx: Okay everyone, just calm down, and look towards the monitor.

*video monitor reads* Merrick, How does it feel to be outsmarted by a six year old? -Converse r life

Merrick: *Scratching chin* I was not outsmarted my a mere child, Serene simply...

xJadeRainx: Merrick, face it. You were outsmarted by a six year old, dude.

*Merrick crosses arms*

*Video monitor reads* Meet me backstage. I have a very important...er...THING to show you. *Wink wink, cough cough, hint hint* -Converse r life.

xJadeRainx: Well Sam, what do you think the important thing could be. *turns away from monitor* Sam? Sam? Did anyone see where he went?

Hali: *jerks thumb* Backstage.

xJadeRainx: Oh... Let's continue then.

*Video monitor reads* Ambrosia, Out of all your cousins, who do you think is the most annoying? -Converse r life.

Ambrosia: Normally, I'd say Aquarius, but since he's my brother, I guess the question doesn't apply. Um, I guess Kelvin is pretty annoying. He's so little, but thinks he's so big, and tries to follow me around all the time.

xJadeRainx: I see. Living with all those cousins must be a hassle. Video monitor time!

*Video monitor reads* Eric, Who was your first kiss with? Did you guys get to second base?! -Converse r life.

Eric: *chokes on nothing but air* She can't be serious.

xJadeRainx: Converse r life is always serious.

Ariel: *Calmly* Answer the question, Eric.

Eric: My first kiss was with Ariel, and no, of course not. It wouldn't be proper.

Ariel: *Stares at Eric suspiciously* Is that so?

*Eric blushes*

xJadeRainx: Before this turns into divorce court, let's take another look that that video monitor!

Video monitor reads: Attina, Have you ever heard of the superheroes MermaidMan, and BarnacleBoy? Also, would you ever consider dating Spongebob Squarepants who lives in Bikini Bottom?

Attina: Yes, I know if MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy. They are always roaming about Atlantica believing they are helping us, acting heroic... a couple of lunatics, those two. And no, I would never date Mr. SpongeBob Squarepants. Besides, I'm happily married to Marin, even if he does forget our anniversary... *Mumbles*

*Video monitor reads*

Triton: HOW COULD YOU HAVE HAD SEX WITH TIAMAT?! Ew to the tenth factor on that one! -Converse r life

Producer: Two minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Better hurry and answer on that one, Triton.

Triton: *Clears throat* I was under a spell!... and it had been a very long time...

xJadeRainx: Ew, ew, ew!

Producer: Off air in sixty seconds!

*Video monitor reads* Ariel, If you had a daughter named Harmony (Let's just say), and she turned out to be a full fledged witch who said she might have accidentally killed a boy who tried to hurt her in the past, would you lock her in the dungeon? -Converse r life.

Ariel: Goodness no! That's barbaric! What kind of mother would ever do that to her own child?

xJadeRainx: You'd be surprised... really surprised.

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Well then, it's a good thing that we only have one question left on our monitor.

*Video monitor reads* Melody, If you had a twin sister named Harmony, would you lock her in the dungeon if she accidently killed someone, and that someone just so happened to be the boy you had a HUGE crush on? -Converse r life

Melody: *thinking* Hmmm, there were many times when I wanted to throw Hali in the dungeon, but...

Hali: Hey!

Melody: Sorry, little sister, but it's true. Anyway, my point is, I never did, even though I wanted to, I never did. So, why would I lock my own twin in the dungeon? Besides, boys are a dime a dozen anyways...

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: Oh, man, this was way too long of an episode. I need to go lay down. Until next time, viewers, 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and You!

* * *

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW.**


	13. Episode 13: Girls Night

xJadeRain: Ciào viewers. Welcome to this very special episode of The Fish Dish. As you can see, there is no audience, no Carl, no camera crew, no Bob the hulking security guard, and it's all becuase tonight's episode has been pretaped! Go ahead, take a look around. We're in the bedroom of my home. Are you curious yet? *Faces closet and shouts* Come on out girls!

Gaggle of girls: *Shriek* Surprise!

xJadeRainx: Tonight the cast of Ocean Star and the cast of Love's a Rhapsody are having a...

Harmony: Sleepover!

Hali: Hey, that was my line!

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Now, sweetie, you can't get everything you want.

Hali: *Pouts* Daddy says I can.

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Well, I'm going to have to have a talk with him about that.

Converse r life: OMG! We're here to party! enough with the Dr. Phil, already!

xJadeRainx: *To Converse r life* Maybe we should have the girls introduce themselves?

Converse r life: Yeah...

xJadeRainx: Hit it girls!

Serene: Hi, I'm Serene, and this is my best friend, Darwin! *Holds up stuffed seahorse* Isn't he cute?

Suze: Um... Hi, I'm Emma's sister.

Emma: Everybody knows that already...

Cricket: Hi.

xJadeRainx: You're being quiet today, Cricket.

Cricket: Yeah.

xJadeRainx: Okay... before we go on, maybe I should explain. King Triton turned all our mermaid characters human for a night, so we could all be here together.

Converse r life: So awesome! ... Now, only if he would let me borrow his Trident...

xJadeRainx: Let's get back to the introductions.

Jade: Hello... Um...xJadeRainx, who's that cute guy with brown hair that I saw downstairs?

xJadeRain: Oh, you mean Sam?

Converse r life: *Pounces on Jade* Back off! SAM IS MINE!

xJadeRainx: Someone get her off Jade.

*Harmony casts magic spell and Converse r life releases Jade*

xJadeRainx: Good.

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Hi, I'm Ariel.

Converse's Ariel: But... that's my name.

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Hey, you have my face! What is this?

Converse r life: Hmm, normally they don't exist in the same universe.

xJadeRainx: Maybe we should have thought this through better?

Converse r life: Nah!

Coral: Hello, I'm Coral. This is so mcuh fun!

xJadeRainx's Melody: Hi, I'm Melody, and this is my baby girl, Karah!

Karah: Goo-goo ga-ga!

Converse's Melody: Hi, I'm Melody, and this is my baby boy, Brendon!

Brendon: Goo-goo ga-ga!

Both Melodys: Awww... Let's compare baby pictures!

*Scream from outside window, and then a loud crash* Ouch...

Both Ariels: What was that?

xJadeRainx: Hmmm *walks over to window and opens it* Ah, it's only Sam. He's stuck in a rose bush.

Converse r life: What!

xJadeRainx: I told him to stay away, but I had a feeling he wouldn't listen... so I covered my balcony with bacon lard. He must have accidentally slipped.

Harmony: Nice! I like you, xJadeRainx.

xJadeRainx: Thanks, I like you too, Harmony.

Converse r life: *In tears* How could you do that to my Sam?

Hali: Relax, it was an accident.... *snorts* Yeah, accident.

*Knock at the door*

Converse r life: *Sweetly* Who is it?

Voice from behind door: It's Xavier. I baked you girls some chocolate chip cookies...

xJadeRainx: *Screams* Cookies! I outlawed all cookies from this house. They could be evil. EVIL!

Xavier: Relax, they're the normal kind, you know the ones you can eat...

Hali: *Sighs dreamily: Aww, that's so sweet. I love him.

Emma: Are you serious? Come on, Hali. He only wants to hear what we're talking about.

Hali: That's not true...

Xavier: Is someone going to open the door?

Harmony: I will. *Opens door, takes plate of cookies, and slams it on Xavier's nose.* Yum! These look good.

Hali: My poor Xavier...

Harmony: Relax, he'll be fine. I only bruised his face.

*Hali gasps and looks towards door*

xJadeRainx: Don't even think about leaving, Hali.

Hali: But...

Converse r life: Sit, Hali, sit!

Serene: Give me those cookies! Me and Darwin are hungry!

*Everyone laughs ... except Cricket*

xJadeRainx: Okay, let's pass around that plate of cookies. *Nervously* I do hope they aren't evil... Has anyone seen any bunnies around?

Converse r life: I think I saw a couple under your bed.

*xJadeRainx bites nails*

Suze: *Hands out cookies* Do you want one, Cricket?

Cricket: *Crosses arms* no.

Jade: *Shakes head* She's been like that all morning.

xJadeRainx: *Whispers to Jade* I think it's because she found out that Anima and Lysander had another date today.

Jade: Oh....

Cricket: *Huffs* That's not why! For Neptune's sake!

Harmony: You're totally crushing on Lyly.

*Cricket sticks out tongue*

Converse r life: *disapproving* Denial... I've been saying it for weeks now.

xJadeRainx's computer: You've got mail.

xJadeRainx: Oh! Anima said that she would tell me how her date with Lysander went.

*Cricket's eye twitches*

xJadeRainx: *Reads email* Aww, so cute.

*Cricket growls*

xJadeRainx's Ariel: What's cute?

xJadeRainx: Apparently, King Triton turned Lysander into a human for their date, and Anima took him on a picnic, where she taught him about many human things.

Both Ariels: Awww, that IS sweet. *Sigh* Just like my Eric.

*Silence while the two women stare at each other*

Both Ariels: Wait... what do you mean, YOUR Eric? *Glare*

xJadeRainx: Can someone explain the theory of parallel universes to them...

Harmony: Forget it *Points at Hali* If her mom, is anything as dense as my mom... then it will only be a waste of breath.

Jade: So, did Anima say anything else about her date?

xJadeRainx: *turns back to computer* Oh, yeah. Lysander sang her a love song.

Cricket: *In a rage* He did what!

Harmony: She's crushing so hard, it's not even funny.

Serene: *Smirking at Cricket* How did the song go?

xJadeRainx: Oh, Anima sent me an attachment of Lysander singing it to her!

Converse r life: Click it!

Emma: Definitely.

*xJadeRainx clicks, and Lysander sings*

Harmony: Oooh, picture and sound!

Your brown eyes with their soft lights  
Your eyes that promise sweet nights  
Bring to my soul a longing  
A thirst for love divine  
In dreams I seem to hold you  
To find you and enfold you  
Our lips meet and our hearts too  
With a thrill so divine  
Those cool and limpid brown eyes  
A pool wherein my love lies  
So deep that in my searching  
For happiness, I fear  
That they will ever haunt me  
All through my life they'll taunt me  
But will they ever want me  
brown eyes, make my dreams come true

*Monitor shows Anima and Lysander kiss*

*Cricket makes angry Miss Piggy noise*

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Cricket, honey, are you okay?

Cricket: *heaving* I'm going to bed. *Gets into sleeping bag* Stupid Anima...

Harmony: She likes him.

Cricket: I do not!

Jade: I can't believe she' still denying it.

*Serene yawns*

xJadeRainx: I guess it is getting pretty late...

Converse r life's Ariel: Maybe we should get to bed?

Hali: Pillow fight first, and then bed!

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Oh, I don't think that's a good idea.

xJadeRainx: We'll figure that out later. Until next time, 23 skidoo, The fish Dish and you!

*xJadeRainx gets hit in the face with a pillow*

xJadeRainx: Okay, who did that?

*Converse r life snickers*

* * *

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW**


	14. Episode 14: Battle of the Wits

xJadeRainx: Bonjour viewers, and bienvenue to another thrilling episode of The Fish Dish! And if you look to my right, you will notice none other than Converse r life! She will help me host today.

Converse r life: That's right, I'm totally amazing!

*Flashing light signals applause*

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: Today is sure to be a truly bloody combat!

Converse r life: Oh, it will be gory!

*Audience gasps*

xJadeRainx: As per request of the unbelievably spectacular fan, Converse r life, we, here on The Fish Dish are going to have a battle of with between siblings.

Audience: Oooh, Ahhh.

Converse r life: Bask in my glory!

xJadeRaix: I think they were reacting to the battle of the wits.

Converse r life: No, they weren't.

xJaderainx: *Shrugs* Yes, it is sure to be an uber exciting event, but it is bound to grow deadly, and quickly at that, so, before I introduce the siblings, I think it would be prudent to enforce some extra safety measures, don't you?

*Audience murmurs in agreement.*

xJadeRainx: Excellent. Now, what better way, to keep a bunch of their children in line, than their own mothers? Mothers' have that kind of power and authority, don't they?

*Unsure murmuring from the studio audience*

xJadeRainx: *Sighs worriedly* Well, it's worth a shot. Carl, send out the moms!

*Two Ariel's appear on stage and take their seats, staring at one another ominously*

xJadeRainx's Ariel: *Hisses* You still have my face.

Converse r life's Ariel: I do believe that it is YOU who has MY face!

xJadeRainx's Ariel: I beg to differ...

*Ariel's words are cut off by a loud splash from a corner of the stage*

*A construction crane has just dropped Attina into The Fish Dishes' oversized aquarium*

Attina: *Grumbling* I did not enjoy that.

xJadeRainx: Hi, Attina. *Gasps* Oh, no! Just look at that massive puddle! *Bites lip* That's a safety hazard. Kyle!

*Kyle the intern runs on set* Yes miss, xJadeRainx?

xJadeRainx: Grab a mop and clean up that mess.

Intern: Right away!

*Kyle disappears into a storage closet.*

xJadeRainx: Okay, while Kyle takes care of the puddle, we'll go to a commercial break. In the meantime, don't touch that remote!

Commercial: *Female voice over* There is no better way than to spend the Easter holidays than with your friendly Evil Bunnies and Cookies, so come on down to your local mall! Free photographs wit the Evil Easter Bunny and delicious sugar cookies for ever good little girl and boy! Hurry, Easter is almost here!

xJadeRainx: And we're back! While we were o break, we systematically filed our siblings into the studio under the watchful eyes of our mother hens. Now, we have Cricket and Jade in our awuarium with referee Attina, and we also have Hali, and Melody, Harmony and Melody, and Emma and Suze! Our land referees are Ariel and Ariel!

Converse r life's Ariel, Honestly, do we really have to have the same names?

Converse r life: Yes, you do. Now, stop asking questions.

xJadeRainx's Ariel: How is thins going to work, exactly?

xJadeRainx: *Scratches chin* Hmmm, let's split the siblings into teams.

Converse r life: Older Sisters vs. Young Sisters!

*Audience whistles ans cheers*

Hali: *Sadly* But I wanted to be on the same team as Harmony.

xJadeRaix: Well you can't always get what you want.

Converse r life's Ariel: But if you try, sometimes, you get what you need!

xJadeRainx: What is she talking about?

Converse r life: I rarely have any idea.

xJadeRainx: All right siblings, to your battle stations!

*Team Older Sisters: Harmony, xJadeRainx's Melody, Jade, and Emma*

*Team Younger Sisters: Converse r life's Melody, Hali, Cricket, and Suze*

xJadeRainx: Who will win this epic battle?

Converse r life: Harmony's side of course.

xJadeRainx: Excuse me dear friend, but it is Hali's team that shall reign victorious!

Converse r life: You wish!

Producer: A-hem.

xJadeRainx: Oh... right.... this is supposed to be a battle of wits between siblings. *to Converse r life* Truce?

Converse r life: For now.

xJadeRainx: Whateves. Are you ready siblings! Round one. Dish the dirt on your opposing sisters.

Converse r life: Team Older Sisters is up first!

Harmony: Melody called me a whore in front of the entire court, during a formal ball!

*Audience covers their mouths in horror*

xJadeRainx's Melody: Hali has blackmailed me more times than I can count.

*Audience tuts in disbelief*

Jade: Cricket makes me look totally lame in from of any potential love interest. *Seething* It's her fault that I'm still single!

*Audience whispers among themselves*

Emma: Suze... Suze... well, actually, I'm the one who makes Suze's life a living Hell. She doesn't stand a chance against me.

Team Older Sisters: Emma! That's not helping!

Harmony: *Disapproving* Yeah, totally not cool, Em...

xJaderainx: Okay, referees, tally up your scores for round one.

*All three referees deliberate*

*Score board reads: Older Sisters 3 points, Younger sisters 0 points*

Converse r life: Time for round two. Younger siblings... rebuttal. Go!

Hali: *Evil Smirk* Melody had sexual relations with Lance BEFORE they were married!

*xJadeRainx's Ariel gasps in horror*

xJadeRainx's Melody: That's a life!

Hali: *Smoothly* Is it?

xJadeRainx: Let's move on, Converse r life's Melody... you're up, now.

Converse r life's Melody: Well, Harmony kissed a boy that I liked!

Hali: Lame.

Cricket: Seriously? She's making us look bad.

Converse r life: Suze, do you have any dirt on your big sis?

Emma: Aside from the fact that Emma raised me and my brother... we'll she COULD be nicer.

Cricket: *Snorts* Older sisters are never nice.

xJadeRainx: Well then, Cricket, you have a chance to defend yourself. Is it really your fault that Jade is still single?

Cricket: Neptune no! Jade will end up an old spinster because her snoring is atrocious. Really, you should try sharing a room with her. Do you see these bags under my eyes? She kills my beauty sleep!

Converse r life: Referees, it's deliberation time again!

*The three moms talk amongst themselves*

*Score reads: Older Sisters 3, Younger Sisters 3*

xJadeRainx: We're all tied up now, folks! We'll see you again after the break.

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Come to the first annual Zombie Librarian vs. Evil Bunnies and Cookies death match! Who will bring glory to their side? Be there and find out! Get you're I heart Zombie Librarian bumper stickers and show your support!

Converse r life: And we're back... again...

xJadeRainx: What's the big idea? This is my show! You can't just step on my lines like that?

Converse r life: Why not? I just did!

xJadeRainx: *Sigh* Never mind. For round two, the sisters are going to speak of a quality that they admire in their opposing sibling!

Converse r life: *Chuckles* Yeah right!

Both Ariel: I think that's a great idea! *Death glares*

Attina: Well you know the old saying, if you can't say anything nice...

xJadeRainx: Ah... words to live by now siblings....

*Harmony mutters something under her breath and a blast of florescent pink light is shot at Team Younger Sisters*

*Team Younger Sisters squeal*

Attina: Hey, that's a foul! We agreed no magic during the battle of the wits. Team Older Sisters, we're deducting a point from your score.

*Scoreboard reads: Team Older Sisters 2, Team Younger Sisters 3*

*Cricket sticks out tongue*

Harmony: *Shrugs* I don't care. It was totally worth it.

Hali: *Angrily* Oh, yeah? *Hali growls 'Маланка' and a bolt of white hot lightning is directed at Team Older Sisters*

Team Older Sisters; Eeek!

xJadeRainx's Ariel: Hali! That is quite enough!

*Harmony wastes not time in casting another devastating spell*

Converse r life's Ariel: Harmony! Control yourself!

Harmony: Oh, shut up, Ariel! You think you can lock me in the dungeon and throw me out with noting but the clothes on my back and a stuffed bear in my arms, in the middle of WINTER and tell me what to do? Now, Stand aside!

*Harmony blasts Team Younger Sisters, but Hali blocks it with a spell of her own*

xJadeRainx's Ariel: You did that to your own DAUGHTER? How could you?

Converse r life's Ariel: I was under a lot of stress!

Attina: That is hardly an excuse...

*Hali sends more white hot lightning, causing xJadeRainx's Melody's hair to become a frizzed mess*

All referees: Stop this!

*Harmony blast Team Younger Sisters with more florescent pink light*

*Cricket and Jade, having no special powers, commence into a catfish fight*

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: This is going to end badly...

Converse r life: Yeah...

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: All right, referees, let's see if we can tame these wild beast that you bore into the world. Until next time, this has been 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you!

Converse r life: Wait! Who won the battle of the wits?

Attina: No one. Each team is disqualified.

Teams Older and Younger Sisters: Aww man!

*Ending credits and music*

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah**

This chapter is dedicated to the one, the only Converse r life. Do you see how much you mean to me?

*Knock, knock, knock*

xJadeRainx: Huh? That's strange. I wasn't expecting any visitors.

*xJadeRainx Answers door*

UPS Guy: Delivery for xJadeRainx!

xJadeRainx: That's me.

UPS Guy: Sign here, please.

*xJadeRainx sings* Thanks.

*UPS Guy leaves*

*xJadeRainx inspects package, which appears to be a crate*

xJadeRainx: I wonder who it's from? *Checks tag* Oh, it's from Anima! How thoughtful! But... what's inside?

I want to be the very best, like no one ever was,

xJadeRainx


	15. Episdoe 15: The Mysterious Crate

xJadeRainx: Buenos dias, mi amigos y bienvenidos a El Plato de Pescado! Three years of Spanish (7th, 8th, and 9th grade) and that's all I have to to show for it. Oh well... Anyway folks, for today's episode, our favorite characters will be answering some of your questions.

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: I must way that we have a few weeks worth of questions to address, so we are a little backed up here on The Fish Dish. Our viewers have questions for the following characters: Xavier

Xavier: Bonjour.

xJadeRainx: Lysander.

Lysander: Greetings.

xJadeRainx: Hali.

Hali: Hello.

xJadeRainx: Sam.

Sam: Hi.

xJadeRainx: Sebastian.

Sebastian: 'Ello, mon.

xJadeRainx: Tip

Tip: Hey there.

xJadeRainx: Hannah.

Hannah: Arrg!

xJadeRainx: Ariel

Ariel: Hello.

xJadeRainx: Attina

Attina: Pleasure to meet you.

xJadeRainx: Cricket.

Cricket: Hi.

xJadeRainx: Jade.

Jade: How's it going?

xJadeRainx: Serene.

Serene: Hello. *To the stuffed seahorse* Darwin, say Hello.

Darwin: ....

xJadeRainx: And last, but certainly not least, Ladon!

Ladon: Why am I here among dirty outsiders?

xJadeRainx: Because one of our fans has a question for you. Are you going to say hello.

Ladon: *Sneering* I think not.

xJadeRainx: Fine, but just know that's really rude. *faces camera* Well, let's take a quick commercial break, and we'll see you soon!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Support the Zombie Librarian campaign by purchasing their new hit CD. Sing along to catchy tunes like, _We Don't Eat Brains, Just Evil Bunnies and Cookies, Smarter, Faster, Hungry, and Zombie Night at the Library_. It's a collection you simply won't want to miss!

xJadeRainx: Somebody remind me to buy that CD! Anyway folks, before we get started with the questions, I received a mysterious crate from Anima. I would have opened it right away, but I thought it would be more exciting to open it on set? What do you think?

*Audiences whistles approval*

xJadeRainx: All right, someone get me a crowbar. Kyle!

*Intern runs on stage and hands xJadeRainx a crowbar*

xJadeRainx: Thanks, Kyle. Carl really should give you a raise.

*Intern walks off*

*xJadeRainx pries open the crate with crowbar*

xJadeRainx: *Gasps* OH my goodness. Devil! Melody! What are you doing in there!

Devil: *Panting* Anima... crate.... slave...

xJadeRainx: Huh? Melody can you make any sense out of that?

Melody: *Also panting* Devil... handcuff me... awful....

xJadeRainx: *In confusion* What? *Picks a note out of the box and reads* Hmm, apparently Anima sent Devil here as my personal slave for the day. You see, I did her a favor a while back... but still, that doesn't explain Melody...

Melody: Devil... handcuff... took me by force!

xJadeRainx: What else is in here? Oh, look, a leash and instruction manual for Devil! Awesome!... But what did you two do in that box the entire time?

Melody: Terrible. The nightmares!

Devil: Like it was any better for me?

xJadeRainx: Well, Melody, I don't think I will be needing you, so I'm going to call a locksmith to get you detached form Devil... in the mean time, let's go to a commercial.

Commercial: *Female voice over* Come see the Evil Bunnies and cookies new Broadway play Zombie Librarians Must Die! Running all through the month of April! Get your tickets today!

*Fish Dish returns, and Devil is seen lying sprawled out on the floor*

xJadeRainx: Don't be alarmed, but over break, Devil tried to escape. Luckily, Anima had Devil's leash replaced with an electriacl one! That should teach him a lesson! Now, Devil, are you ready to do my bidding?

Devil: *In disgust* No! Never!

xJadeRainx: That's very unfortunate. *Presses button on leash, and Devil is shocked with electricity again.* Now, I haven't got all day. Are you ready to submit?

Devil: *Weakly* Okay...

xJadeRainx: Good. You can start with a manicure. *holds out hands to Devil*

*Devil begins filing xJadeRainx's nails*

xJadeRainx: Okay, now let's get to those questions. Our first question comes from Anima, and is for Xavier. She asks, How could you think that I would kill Hali? Has she done something to me that I should know about? Anything I might be upset about? Don't even try to lie, I've got Ninja squirrels...

Xavier: Ninja squirrels?

xJadeRainx: Gently, Devil, gently! Next question! Anima asks Hali, Do you think I would kill you?

Hali: *In fear* I didn't... until just now.

Xavier: See! Anima is always so suspicious!

xJadeRainx: Hmm, Devil, I think I'll go with the shade Frosted Wine, today. So, get painting! Anyway, Anima also wants to know if Sebastian has ever thought about meeting a lady crab and having kids with her? If so, what's stopping you? You seem a bit lonely.

Sebastian; *Shouts* No way, mon! I be up to my claws in kids since... since foreva, mon! First Attina down to Ariel, den Melody and Hali and all de odder royal grandkids. No tank you!

xJadeRainx: Suit yourself... Tip, Anima is curious, When are you going to find a mate an settle down already?! Gosh!

Tip: I'm with the crab on that one!

xJadeRainx: You're up to your claws in kids?

Tip: Well... no, but an adventurer slash explorer like myself is far too busy for that sort of thing.

xJadeRainx: Well... it DOES seem a bit lonely, but so long as you're happy... Alright, Devil. I'm thirsty, now.

Devil: So?

xJadeRainx: My nails are still wet. I don't want to ruin them.

Devil: Get your own damn drink!

*xJadeRainx electrifies Devil again*

xJadeRainx: *Giggles* Hey, this is pretty handy! I'd like that glass of water now, Devil.

Devil: *Squeaks* Coming right up...

xJadeRainx: We still have more questions folks! This time, Converse r life asks, Hannah, if I gave you a pet evil bunny with cookies, would you be nice and teach me how to chop someone into peices? Because, I have this Spanish teacher, you see...

Sam: Converse r life! You can't be friends with Hannah! *Pleads with his blue eyes* You just can't!

Hannah: *To Sam* Belay that foolish talk, you bilge-sucking blaggard! *Sweetly* Now, in answer to her question, I'd be delighted to! I'm quite handy with my sword, I call her the Piercing Rose. *Strokes sword lovingly*

xJadeRainx: Devil, when you're done polishing my shoes, I could really go for a back and shoulder message.

*Devil mutters something*

xJadeRainx: *With fingers on electricity button* What was that?

Devil: *Defensively* Nothing.

xJadeRainx: *Angrily* Nothing what?

Devil: Nothing, mistress.

xJadeRainx: *Pats Devi's head* Good boy. Now, the next question is for Hali. Converse r life wants to know this: How did you deal with your new found powers when you came back home, after Ocean Heart? Are your parents accepting of your powers?

Hali: That is a very thought out question, Converse r life! I have to admit that it's a bit weird finding out that you have powers after living your life is a perfectly normal... well, semi-normal person, but when I returned home, I had to train and hone my powers. I still have a ways to go, though. Anyway, my mother didn't appeared to be phased, but my father had always been wary of magic ever since the time when he almost married a sea witch!

xJadeRainx: Ariel, Converse r life asks, Suppose you had a daughter named Harmony, who'd been caught with a packet of cigarettes (aka, little cigars), and who'd snuck out in the middle of the night, and you found out that Melody had been smoking on the little cigars too. Would you kick her out of the palace with only a stuffed animal in her arms, and in the middle of winter?

Ariel: No! I... of course I wouldn't.... That's despicable. I don't see how any mother could EVER do that!

xJadeRainx: Ironic.

Ariel: What do you mean?

xJadeRainx: Never mind. A little higher Devil. *Sighs* Okay, Attina. Converse r life asks, Hypothetically, if Cricket fell in love with a Murken named...oh, I don't know, his name is Lysander, let's say, what would you do? And you MUST answer.

Attina: Say what?

xJadeRainx: Answer the question, Attina. No, Devil, too high, too high!

Attina: It'd s good thing that question is hypothetical, because I KNOW that my daughter would fall in love with the people who are responsible for kidnapping our baby. She just wouldn't do something like that, or I just might have to hurt that child.

xJadeRainx: Very interesting. Oh, look! Our next question is for Cricket. Cricket, Converse r life wants to know: Being the younger sibling, have any of you ever been locked in a closet by your older sibling, and then forgotten about for the next four hours?

Cricket: *Looks at her mother and gulps* Um... well, actually there were times when we would play hide and seek in the kelp forest... and then Jade or Merrick would forget about me. I spent a whole night out there once! I was so scared...

Attina: *Nearly crying* I remember that night! My poor baby!

xJadeRainx: Devil, will you be a dear and fluff my pillow?

*Devil fluffs*

xJadeRainx: Thanks. Now, Ariel, converse r life asks you this: Was Eric really depressed when Melody spent the first night in her new home?

Ariel: *laughs to herself* depressed? That's an understatement! He was blubbering like a little baby ALL night long! *Groans* I don't even want to begin to imagine how he will react to Hali's wedding night...

xJadeRainx: Sonds tough... but Converse r life has another question for you Ariel.

Ariel: Oh? What is it?

xJadeRainx: Converse r life wishes to know, Hypothetically, if your daughter came to you in hysterics because she'd just seen her brother stab himself, and been kicked out of the only home she'd grown up in, would you lock her in the dungeon?

Ariel: WHAT!

Producer: Three minutes left!

xJadeRainx: You'd better hurry up and answer the question, Ariel.

Ariel: No! That's... that's... I couldn't imagine... A mother would NEVER do that. NEVER!

xJadeRainx: If you say so...

Producer: Off air in two minutes!

xJadeRainx: *Hurriedly* Attina, Converse r life asks, What was it like, seeing your father married to someone who wasn't your mother, after so long? I mean, were you like, okay with it...?

Attina: It was beyond weird, and awkward... but I thought that as long as Daddy was happy again... *Shudders* I still can't believe it could end so badly...

Producer: Forty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Jade, Converse r life wants to know, You share a room with Cricket, right? Well, see, i know this girl named Emma who is forced to share a room with her sister who's four years younger than her. Emma is almost to the point where she's going to kill her sister. Any advice on how to deal with this?

Jade: *Thoughtfully* I meditate. If I didn't, I'd have been charged with murder oh, about three years ago.

Producer: Off air in twenty seconds!

xJadeRainx: Looks like we only have time for one more question, and it's for Serene!

Serene: Yea!

xJadeRainx: Okay, Serene, Converse r life wants to know: Do you like Kelvin as your big brother?

Serene: *thinking* He's okay most of the time... except when he's mean to me, or Darwin... or eats all of mommy's Plankton Paradise cookies and doesn't share...

Audience: Awww.

Producer: Ten seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Well viewers, we're going to have to pick up where we left off next episode. 23 skidoo The Fish Dish and You!

Devil: Thank God! now, I can go home.

xJadeRainx: Oh, no you don't! I still have you on loan for the next TWELVE hours!

Devil: o_O What!

xJadeRainx: Take it up with Anima. *Tugs on Devil's leash and pulls him off stage*

*End music and credits*

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW**


	16. Episode 16: Question and More Questions

xJadeRainx: Well, folks, it looks like it's time for a brand new episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing light signals applause*

xJadeRainx: And as promised, we are going to finish up questions from our viewers.

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: As you can see, we already have our guests on stage, and as for our merfolk guests... well, their already in our giant aquarium, no duh! Anyway... let me get to those pesky introductions now. Today we have, Ladon, Lysander, Cricket, Serene, King Triton, Hali, Melody, Cricket, Eric, Ariel, Andrina, Lance, and finally Heard Hearted Hannah!

Audience: Ooh, Ahh.

XJadeRainx: Okay, let's get a head start on those questions. Our first question from Anima is addressed to Ladon! Ladon, Anima wants to know if you would suggest her taking a class on making poison?

Ladon: If it pleases her to do so. Otherwise, I don't rightly care.

xJadeRainx: All right... Next question! Lysander, Anima asks, who should die from poisoning Ladon or Ceto?

Lysander: That is an oddly specific question...

xJadeRainx: It's suspicious if you ask me!

Lysander: Perhaps, but if I must answer... Ladon, of course.

Ladon: *Glares daggers at cousin* Disgusting halfling.

Lysander: I rest my case.

xJadeRainx: Fine, fine. Cricket, you're up next. Anima wants to know if the two of you can be friends.

Cricket: Sure. Why would there be any reason for us not to be?

xJadeRainx: You're kidding, right?

Cricket: No. Why?

xJadeRainx: Because her next question is, do you like Lysander.

Cricket: Yeah, he's nice.

xJadeRainx: *Rubs temples* That's not what she meant, Cricket.

Cricket: Sure it is.

xJadeRainx: I'm going to ignore you, and move on, okay?

Cricekt: *sighs* Whatever...

xJadeRainx: Little Serene...

Serene: I'm not little!

xJadeRainx: Okay, fine. Big girl Serene, Anima wants to know what you are going to do at Hali's wedding, you know, the one where she marries Xavier?

Serene: *Contemplating* I'm going to be on my best behavior.

Hali: *In disbelief* really?

Serene: Yes, or Mommy said she will take Darwin away from me forever!

*Audience emits terrified gasps*

xJadeRainx: All right folks, This seems like a good place to take a break. Don't touch that remote!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* The Zombie Librarian campaign would like to inform the public that they have joined forces with the Intergalactic Book Mutants. They fight for peace on Earth, they fight for peace in the galaxy! Zombie Librarians (and Intergalactic Book Mutants) They're smarter, they're faster, they're HUNGRY!

xJadeRainx: And we're back! Now, how about some more questions?

Audience: Yeah! *Whistle, whistle*

xJadeRainx: Hali, Converse r life asks, Where were you when Melody's twelfth birthday party was going on? I mean, your a princess, shouldn't you have been there...? What did you think when the next day, your parents didn't come home because they were searching for Melody? What did you also think when they came home and they explained everything to you (like, your Mom's heritage, Melody running away etc.)?

Hali: Oh, boy! *Sighs* That's a long question... I'd better get stated on that right away. Okay, well first off, I remember the night of Melody's party. I was only nine years old, and in Shireland, you have to be ten to attend a ball, so I wasn't ALLOWED downstairs at all. Instead, I was stuck inside my room with boring old, Minerva, my etiquette tutor, who was determined to make me into a proper, cookie cutter princess. So, unfortunately I missed Melody making a complete fool out of herself. Too bad. *More Brightly* But I did get to see her crying her little twelve year old eyes out, when she ran upstairs. But then... she disappeared, and when I woke up in the morning my mom and dad were gone, and they totally left me in the care of Grimsby! Ha! Poor bloke never could cope with me...

*Ariel raises eyebrow at Hali*

Hali: *Clears throat* I mean... I was a perfect angel for dear old Grimsby! And if he tells you anything else, it's because he's ancient, and went senile years ago!

xJadeRainx: Get to the second part of the question, already, Hali.

Hali: Okay... so touchy today! When they finally came back, with Melody, and a whole bunch of merfolk relatives that I had NEVER met, my mother had a lot of explaining to do, mainly that she was a mermaid! And then little missing puzzle pieces fell in to place. For example, when I was about six years old, I had a fairy tale book, and one of the stories it featured was about mermaids. My mother ripped out every single page that even mentioned the word mermaid, even the table of contents! I didn't understand at the time... but I guess that's why the say hindsight is 20/20.

xJadeRainx: Good answers, Hali. Now, before we continue. Let's get to another commercial. We'll return shortly!

Commercial; *Female voice over* The Zombie Librarians have aligned themselves with the mysterious Intergalactic Book Mutants. Who are the mutants? Where do they come from? Can you trust them? The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies sure doesn't!

xJadeRainx: Thanks for staying with us, viewers. Now, we still have quite a few questions left,. so let's not waste another moment! Lance!

Lance: What?

xJadeRainx: Converse r life wishes to warn you that Eric might try to bash your head in with a crowbar.

Lance: That's ridiculous.

xJadeRainx: You might not think you after this next question, which is for Eric.

Eric: For me? How thoughtful!

xJadeRainx: Right... Okay Eric, Converse wants you to ask Melody...

Eric: *Deflated* If she has a question for Melody, then she should ask Melody herself!

xJadeRainx: *Continuing* She wants you to ask Melody if she ever had sex with Lance before they got married.

*Eric faints*

xJadeRainx: Lance, run! You have a few minutes before he recovers.

Lance: But it isn't true! I'm innocent!

xJadeRainx: *Points to Eric* Do you really think that's going to matter to HIM? Hurry!

Lance: *Standing* Good point. *Runs off stage*

xJadeRainx: Whew, that was a close one. Okay, next question! Melody, Converse r life wishes to know, how did you meet Sebastian?

Melody: In one of my first illegal trips to the sea that my parents didn't know about. At first hew didn't know who I was, but when I told him my name was Melody... he started acting all weird. I guess he thought he could keep an eye on me.

xJadeRainx: Ariel, Converse r life asks, before Eric, did you date any boys--or kiss anyone--or even, have sex?

Ariel: The answers to all those questions are as follows, no, no, and no.

xJadeRainx: Really? You never even dated?

Ariel: No. I was far to obsessed with hunting for lost human treasures!

xJadeRainx: All right. I'll pretend like I believe that. Triton, the next question is for you. converse r life wants to know, was your wedding night with Tiamat hot and heavy, or cool and light? And you MUST MUST MUST MUST MUST answer!

Triton: She really likes to ask personal questions, doesn't she?

xJadeRainx: Yep.

Triton: I'm not going to answer that.

xJadeRainx: But you HAVE to! It was in the question!

Triton: Need I remind you people who wields the Trident?

xJadeRainx: I suppose not.. but still... maybe just a tiny detail?

Triton: No.

xJadeRainx: Kill joy. Okay, who's up next? Oh, Andrina. Converse r life claims that she has a diesel that requires her to eat junk food of she'll die. She wants to know if you will bake her a batch of your famous Plankton Paradise Cookies?

Andrina: Sure no problem!

Producer: Two minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Cricket, Converse r life asks, When you spent the entire night in the kelp forest, and finally someone found you, or you got back home or whatever, what did your Mom do? Did Merrick and Jade get beached?

Cricket: I was SEVEN! That was so scary... Did they get beached? Of course they got beached, and then some!

Producer: Off air in one minute!

*Converse r life gives evil bunny with cookie* What time do you want to meet me for our sword fighting lesson?

Hannah: At 13:00 sharp!

xJadeRainx: Um, Converse r life, where ever you are... I don't think Sam would like that very much...

Hannah: Sam is nothing but a bilge-sucking, blaggard!

xJadeRainx: Well, that was uncalled for. He's not even here to defend himself!

Hannah: Too bad, so sad.

Producer: 3o seconds left!

xJadeRainx: Well. I guess that's it for today folks! 23 skidoo, The Fish Dish and you!

**COMMENTS, QUESTIONS, CONCERNS, SUGGESTIONS (especially episode suggestions), REQUESTS? WRITE TO P.O. BOX THE FISH DISH VIA REVIEW**


	17. Episode 17: Take the Good With the Bad

xJadeRainx: Hello, viewers, and thanks for tuning into another episode of The Fish Dish!

*Flashing light signals applause*

xJadeRainx: We have some more viewer questions to answer today!

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: If you look at our oversized aquarium, you will notice that our merguests are the uber cute Serene...

Audience: Awww.

xJadeRainx: The reliable Attina...

Audience: Whoot, whoot!

xJadeRainx: The rambunctious Cricket...

*Audience whistles*

xJadeRainx: The wise Triton...

*Audience claps, and King Triton holds up a hand, silencing the crowd*

xJadeRainx: Impressive, Triton.

Triton: Thank you, thank you.

xJadeRainx: The strangely popular Lysander...

Lysander: I must ask, why is that so strange.

xJadeRainx: And let's not forget, Attina's loving husband, Marin!

*Audience cheers again*

xJadeRainx: calm down folks, we still have to introduce our human guests!

*Audience goes wild*

xJadeRainx: We have on set the dapper King Eric...

Audience: *Whistle, whistle*

xJadeRainx: His lovely Ariel...

*Audience cheers*

xJadeRainx: Their daughter, Melody...

*More applause from audience*

xJadeRainx: The charming Xavier...

Audience: Whoot, whoot, yeah!

xJadeRainx: The fearsome Hardhearted Hannah.

Audience: *Silence*

Hannah: Arrrg, you blaggards. Cheer for me, or I'll send ya to dance with Jack Ketch!

xJadeRainx: Um, what does that mean, exactly?

Hannah: I'll have 'em all hanged.

*Audience cheers vigorously*

Hannah: Now that's more like it.

xJadeRainx: Oookay...And last but not least, our resident bad boy, Sam!

Crazed teenage girl from audience: *Screaming* Marry me Sam!

xJadeRainx: *To producer* Carl, I thought she was on our black list?

*Producer shrugs*

xJadeRainx: And didn't Converse r life's assassins take her out with bow and arrow, a few episodes ago?

Sam: *groaning* She must have gotten out of the hospital.

xJadeRainx: *Sighs* All right, while Bob, our hulking security guard gets rid of our little pest, er, I mean guest, we'll head out to a quick commercial break.

Commercial: female voice over: This song is brought to you by the Zombie Librarian campaign.

Sniverling little bunny bouncing up and down,  
Scummy little creatures,  
Run them out of town,  
In the tiny tunnels scuffling under ground,  
Toxic little bunny can always be found,  
Danger evil rodent,  
Multiplying every day,  
Bunny taking over,  
Get on your knees and pray,  
Filthy fluffy creatures,  
Teeth as sharp as knives,  
The longeared ones are coming,  
Run run run for your lives,  
Killa bunny is a coming,  
Killa bunny on his way,  
Killa bunny is a coming,  
Are you hearing what I say.

xJadeRainx: What a chilling message! Still, it was a catch tune, I wonder if it's on their new CD?

*Producer clears throat*

xJadeRainx: *unhappily* Fine, Carl. We'll get down to business now. Our first question is from Anima, and is addressed to Serene.

*Audience sighs*

xJaderainx: Serene?

*Serene perks up*

xJadeRainx: Serene, Anima poses the question, if turned out to be a merprince (From faraway) stuck in seahorse form and you had to kiss him to turn him back into a prince, would you do it?

Serene: *Excitedly* Of course!

Audience: Awww!

Serene: Then Darwin and Xavier could fight for the honer to win my love, and hand in marriage!

xJadeRainx: Attina, you serioulsy need to tell Andrina to have a little chat with her.

Attina: *nodding* I'll be sure to do that.

xJadeRainx: Good, then. Anima's next question is for Xavier, and she asks: This is really random but, can you play the piano(so that it desn't make anyone's ears bleed)?

Xavier: *In shame* No, no, I can't play the piano or any other musical instrument.

xJadeRainx: Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of, Xavier. We can't all be musical geniuses.

Sam: *Eagerly* I can play the fife!

Eric: *Excitedly* Me too!

*Xavier crosses his arms*

xJadeRainx: *Pats him on the shoulder* It's okay, Xavier. If if makes you feel any better, I'll move on to the next question now. Hannah, Devil wants to know if you will give him sword fighting lessons too. He wants to kill some boy named Cody... oh, and something about hurting her while he's at it.

Hannah: Aye, I'll do anything for the right price.

Sam: *under his breath* That's for sure.

*Hannah hears and draws her sword* Say that again, scallywag! I dare ya!

Sam: Why is it, you only speak with your ridiculous pirate vocabulary when you're angry?

Hannah: I'm not sure, actually.

xJadeRainx: Ahem, I still have questions to ask.

Sam: *Sarcastically* So sorry.

Hannah: Arrrr. *places sword back in its scabbard*

xJadeRainx: Okay, this next question ties into the last, and is for Lysander. Anima asks: Lysander, you wouldn't let Devil hurt me, would you?

Lysander: Not as long as I'm living.

*Cricket rolls eyes*

xJadeRainx: Well, that was an interesting reaction, Cricket?

Cricket: Whatever do you mean?

xJadeRainx: Well, let's see what Anima has in mind for you, and maybe then you can give me a legitimate answer.

Cricket: *Shrugs* Go for it.

xJadeRainx: Her Exact words were, Cricket, I'm going to rephrase the question from before. *clears throat* Do you have any romantic feelings/likings for Lysander? You MUST answer.

Cricekt: *Struggling* No... absolutely... not.

*Attina sighs in relief*

xJadeRainx: Oaky, so, Anima's last question is for *checks index card* hey, it's for me! She wants to know if I will allow her to poison Ladon for repeatedly insulting Lysander. Hmmm... *To audience* what do you guys think? Yea or nay on the poising of Ladon?

Audience: *Adamantly* Yea!

xJadeRainx: Well, there you have it, Anima. It's a yea! So, viewers, it's about that time again. Don't touch that remote. We'll be right back!

Commercial: Female voice over: The Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies has also created a new smash hit CD. Marvel at their latest single!

In your head, in your head,  
Zombie, zombie, zombie,  
Hey, hey, hey. What's in your head,  
In your head,  
Zombie, zombie, zombie?  
Hey, hey, hey, hey, oh, dou, dou, dou, dou, dou...

xJaderRainx: Hmm, I guess the Evil Bunnies and Cookies aren't much for words. Well... at least they tried... I guess. Okay, folks, we're back, and as promised, we have some more questions from viewers!

*Audience goes wild*

xJadeRainx: Okay, let's make this quick. Converse r life has two questions for Eric.

Eric: *Happily* Score!

xJadeRainx: Right... okay her first question is this: You once mentioned that Hali and Melody had convinced you to eat lots of candy the Autumn Julibee and spent an uncomfortable night in bed between you and Ariel. Was it a bad night?

Eric: *Rubbing neck* Oh, that... yeah, it was a pretty bad, considering Ariel and I had other, um... plans that night. It was pretty impossible considering there were nine and six year old girls taking up more than half the space in bed...

*Ariel blushes*

Eric: What's the next question?

xJadeRainx: *Takes deep breath* Melody and Lance had sex before marriage. If you don't faint again, I'm hoping you'll tell me what your thinking about that.

Eric: What!

xJadeRainx: Converse r life asks... Melody and Lance...

Eric: *Angrily* I heard you the first time!

xJadeRainx: Well then, go ahead and answer.

Eric: *Eyes turn dark* I'll do you one better. *Stands* Excuse me.

xJadeRainx: Wait... where are you going.

Eric: To... bond with my son in law... that's right... to bond.

xJadeRainx: I hope Lance will be okay....

Melody: *worriedly* Me too...

xJadeRainx: Do try and cheer up, Mel. Converse r life has a question for you somewhere. *checks index card* Where you really embarrassed at your twelfth birthday party? Also when things were bad and you started to run away from the ball, Ariel held out her arms to you...why did you purposely run past them?

Melody: That does not cheer me up.

xJadeRainx: Well, then, at least try and answer.

Melody: Yes, I was embarrassed. And I ran past my mother because I just wanted to get upstairs and away form everyone as soon as possible. Besides, how uncool would it look, if I hugged my mother in front of the whole court?

xJadeRainx: About as uncool as backing into a six foot birthday cake!

*Melody cringes*

xJadeRainx:*Shrugs* Next question! Triton, Converse r life asks,

Triton, Converse r life asks, Do you find my sex questions annoying? Can you please answer me and say whether your wedding night with Tiamat was hot and have, or cool and light? You know I'll keep asking until forever!

Triton: Not telling.

xJadeRainx: We don't have the kind of time to argue so... Ariel, Converse r life wants to know: Why would you rip out every page that mentions mermaids in Hali's storybook? You know, you could have said instead that it was just an old fishtale, and to not believe in it...

Ariel: I wasn't thinking, okay! I was just so angry at Eric for buying that stupid thing!

Producer: Off air in two minutes!

xJadeRainx: I know, Carl, I know. Gosh, you're so annoying, sometimes... Attina, Converse r life asks, Can both your daughters sing? If one of them can't, or if both of them can't, are you kind of disapointed that they can't?

Attina: Sadly, only one of my daughters cab sing. *Sniffs* The other sounds like a frog with bronchitis....

Marin: Now, that's not fair, Attina. She has a very... a very interesting voice.

xJadeRainx: Wait! Which daughter?

Producer: Off air in one minute!

xJadeRainx: Fine... we'll save it for next time... Marin, Converse r life wants to know if Attina has any pet peeves. If so, what are they?

Marin: Attina hates it when I forget things like, birthdays, and anniversaries.

xJadeRainx: Now, THAT'S interesting, isn't it, Attina?

*Attina looks away*

Producer: Forty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: So, our last two questions from Converse r life are for Sam.

Sam: Finally!

xJadeRainx: Sam, explain in detail why you don't want her to have sword fighting lessons with Hannah. She seems nice enough...

Sam: Because she's an evil bitch!

Hannah: Smartly, shut you're mouth, swabbie!

Producer: Off air in thirty seconds!

xJadeRainx: Okay, quickly Sam, would you mind meeting Converse r life back stage? She's been really lonely lately.

Sam: *Sighing* Does she promise to stay away from Hannah?

xJadeRainx: I certainly can't answer that question for her!

Sam: *Standing* Yeah, I will, and I'll convince her to stay away from that crazy pirate.

Hannah: Arrrg!

Producer: Off air in ten seconds!

xJadeRainx: Well, we're out of time for today... 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Well, a few orders of business...

Two songs appear in this episode via Google. Killer Bunnies, by Moloko and Zombie by CRANBERRIES. You really can find ANYTHING on Google.

Also, be sure to check out my profile and vote for the new Fish Dish mascot!

In my own little corner in my own little chair, I can be whatever I want to be,

xJadeRainx


	18. Episode 18: Sage Advice on Girls

xJadeRainx: Buongiorno viewers! Welcome, welcome back to a brand new episode of the Fish Dish!

*Flashing light signals applause*

xJadeRainx: I know that we've been off the air for a couple of weeks, but fear not. We are now back in full force!

*Audience cheers wildly*: Whistle, whistle, yeah! Hoot, hoot!

xJadeRainx: Okay, okay, calm down.

*Audience settles slowly*

xJadeRainx: We are going to delay answering viewer questions until next episode...

Audience: *With disappointment* Awww...

xJadeRainx: *Smiles kindly* It's okay, everyone. We have a very special episode planed to kick things off!

Audience: Whoot, whoot!

xJadeRainx: Okay, fans, lets have a round of applause for Leaf, a lead character in the popular Misunderstood Melodies!

*Audience cheers*

*Leaf enters from off stage, and takes a seat next to xJadeRainx*

xJadeRainx: Hey there, Leaf!

Leaf: Hello.

xJadeRainx: It's nice to see you again.

LEaf: Thanks... *Scratches head* Have we ever MET before?

xJadeRainx: *Thinking* Um... I think so.

Leaf: Hmm....

xJadeRainx: Well, even if we haven't met before, I fell like I've know you for AGES.

Leaf: *Laughs good naturally* That's a wonderful sentiment for sure!

xJadeRainx: So, Leaf, I must admit. I'm curious. In Misunderstood Melodies, you seem to be a little confused lately. Is there anything on your mind.

Leaf: *Straining up in his chair* Actually, there is.

xJaderainx: *With interest* Oh please, do tell.

Leaf: *Hesitantly* Well... okay. I need to know about girls! I just don't _understand_ them!

xJadeRainx: *Nervously rubs neck* Hee hee. Isn't that something you should ask your father, Leaf?

Leaf: I would, but right now, my dad is a little to preoccupied with wit kill Devil urges...

xJadeRainx: Well, that could be potentially dangerous. Do they still have Eric's record at the insane asylum?

Leaf: *nodding* Yeah, they're required by law.

xJadeRainx: *Sighing in relief* That's good. So, um, do you want me to tell you about girls, then?

Leaf: *Adamantly* Heck no!

xJadeRainx: *Quite hurt* Why not?

Leaf: Because you're one of them! I was hoping if I could maybe talk to you're Eric and Marshall.

xJadeRainx: Hmmm, Would you like to speak with Marshall from The Places Life takes us, or the Marshall from Ocean Heart and Ocean Star?

Leaf: Why can't I speak with both?

xJadeRainx: *scratches head* Well, that seems like it might defy all the laws of the universe, but... hell, why not! Stay tuned folks. Eric, Marshall, and Marshall will join us after the break!

Commercial: *Female voice over* Going to be in San Diego this weekend? Good! Come and Visit the stellar, new art exhibit held by the Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies! Gaze upon the many paints, sketches, and sculptures depicting the Evil Bunnies and Cookies assent to absolute power, and the death of all Zombie Librarians! Showing through May 17- 16!

xJadeRainx: And we're back! As you can see I have Eric and both Marshalls sitting with Leaf at the moment. *Camera pans in on the four males* Let's check in on them, shall we?

The four males: *Whispering*

xJadeRainx: Hey, boys!

*The four males end conversation immediately*

xJadeRainx: Well, that was suspicious.

Eric: There really is no need to be concerned, xJaderainx.

xJadeRainx: A-huh.

Older Marshall: Eric here, is telling the truth.

xJadeRainx: A-huh.

Younger Marshall: Man, I look old!

xJadeRainx: *Impatiently* Leaf, maybe we should get to your questions, now.

Leaf: Yeah, okay.

xJadeRainx: *Taps foot* All of fanfiction is waiting!

Leaf: All right, I need advice.

Eric: *Clapping Leaf on shoulder* Shoot.

Leaf: Do any of you understand girls at all? They're all so confusing.

Younger Marshall: No, I don't! What is it with girls? I think they're all certifiably insane!

Leaf: I know!

Younger Marshall: Ami... Ami is a true mystery. When I first met her, all she did was stare at me, with a hungry look in her eyes. What am I, some sort of gourmet dish?

Leaf: *Shakes head* Girls...

Younger: Than Ami is so friendly, that she offers me French lessons.

Leaf: *Fully interested* Go on. Go on.

Younger Marshall: Then she dumps a bucket of filthy mop water over my head, completely unprovoked.

Leaf: Yeah, sometimes I think that rose is bipolar like that...

Younger Marshall: Wait, I'm not done with the craziness! Then, she invites me to church with family and breaks into tears. All I did was mention Claire!

Leaf: Who's Claire?

Younger Marshall: *Shrugs* Just a girl I like. Anyway, later on Ami acts like nothing ever happened, and we're the best of friends. What's that all about?

xJadeRainx: I thought this episode was devoted to Leaf's pressing questions?

Leaf: No, I don't mind. Younger Marshall's situation with Ami reminds me a lot of my situation with Rose!

xJadeRainx: *Coughs* I wonder why?

Both Leaf and Younger Marshall: What!

xJadeRainx: Never mind. Let's head out to another quick commercial break, and see what the wise older men have to weigh in on the matter. See you soon!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Would you like a Zombie Librarian library card? Read ten books, and get a free pizza at Pizza Hut, that the Zombie Librarians will cater personally! Fun, pizza, and games for all! Zombie Librarians: They fill your brains with knowledge, instead of eating them.

xJadeRainx: Welcome back, viewers! Let's see what those boys are up to!

*The four men end their conversation immediately*

xJadeRainx: *sighing* Again, suspicious!

Eric: *chuckles* Nothing to worry about over here!

Older Marshall: So true!

xJadeRainx: *Crosses arms* Leaf needs advice on girls. Go!

Eric: I'd like to help, but it's virtually impossible. Women are one of the universe's unsolvable mysteries. I know that my Ariel is an enigma!

Older Marshall: I understand that! But perhaps, I can still offer a little insight.

Leaf: What? I'll take anything!

Older Marhsall: *Eyes lighting up* It turned out that Ami acted so strangely because she liked me.

Younger Marshall: Yeah... I like Ami too, but I still don't understand...

Older Marshall: No, no, she _liked_ me... romantically.

*Younger Marshall's mouth drops open* What?

Producer: Two minutes left!

xJadeRainx: Aw, come on, Carl! This is getting good!

Younger Marshall: But...but...but... What about Claire?

Older Marshall: *Smiles kindly* You're going to have to wait and see how that all plays out. I know I did!

Producer: Off air in one minute!

xJadeRainx: All right Eric, we're running out of time. Any last words for Leaf, here?

Eric: Nah, I got nothing.

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: *Turns to Leaf* I hope this helped you, kid.

Leaf: *Buries his face in palms* I'm just as confused as when we stated!

xJadeRainx: How very sad. But seeing as we're fresh out of time... 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you!

* * *

**Ultra Special Blah Blah Blah**

Hey, I'm back! I want to try an update Ocean Star later today. We'll see how it goes.

I would like to thank the five of my viewers who voted int the Name the Mascot contest. And the winner is.. Drum roll please!

A Cricket named Mermaid!

Everyone, welcome Mermaid!

Mermaid: Chirp, chirp!

Well, I'll see you peeps later.

Shake it to the left, if you're having a good time,

xJadeRainx

Oh, and Anima, it's time to pay up! I'll will be expecting a PM with the details we discussed shortly after you leave this review! Ta-ta!


	19. Episode 19: Questions for Merfolk

xJadeRainx: Welcome back, viewers to the most exciting episode of The Fish Dish yet!

*Audience goes wild*

xJadeRainx: *Lowering head* Okay, so I don't actually know if this is the most exciting episode ever. *Sighs* I just wanted to grab your attention.

*Audience boos and throws rotten tomatoes at host*

xJadeRainx: *Picking tomatoes off sweater* Well, that was incredibly rude, not to mention gross, but we have a lot of viewer questions to answer today, so I'm just going to ignore you cavemen and start the show.

*Camera pans across audience as two angry GEICO cavemen leave the studio.*

xJadeRainx: Oops. Sorry, Carl. *Covers mouth*

*Producer glares*

xJadeRainx: Um, maybe we should just go ahead and get to those questions now? Mermaid! Pull the cord!

Mermaid: Chirp, chirp! *Hops over to a large velvet curtain and pulls a cord hanging from ceiling.*

*Curtain falls revealing an oversized aquarium complete with living merfolk, and a little red crab.*

xJadeRainx: *With amazement* How does something so small accomplish such a big task?

Mermaid: Chirp, chirp! *hops onto xJadeRainx's shoulder*

xJadeRainx: *Gently patting head* Good girl. *Takes out index cards* Now for the questions....

Attina: Excuse me.

xJadeRainx: What?

Atttina: I named my daughter after something that looks like that!

*Mermaid chirps sadly and hops off stage*

xJadeRainx: *Disapprovingly* Attina! You hurt her feelings.

Attina: Sorry, it's just...

xJadeRainx: I'm afraid we don't have the time for that right now, but since you seem so fond of talking, we'll start with you.

*Attina shrugs*

xJadeRainx: Converse r life wants to know, Which daughter of yours can't sing? Are you hurt that she can't?

Attina: *shudders* You know, most every mermaid has a beautiful singing voice. It's one out a million that has one resembling a frog with bronchitis. *laughs unhappily* Why MY daughter?

xJadeRainx: Which one?

*Attina's lower lip trembles*

Marin: Now, now, Attina, it's not the end of the world for Cricket. She has plenty of fine qualities!

xJadeRainx: Thank you, Marin. I suppose Attina's reaction answers the second part of that question far better than words can ever express... Um, Marin, Converse r life has a question for you too.

Marin: I'm all ears.

xJadeRainx: Converse r life asks, where did you meet Attina?

Marin: We met at Ariel's wedding! I sort of _accidentally _bumped into her when most of Atlantica was at the surface for the ceremony.

Attina: It was a lovely ceremony... even if Ariel was walking on human... legs.

xJadeRainx: Did you know she was a princess, Marin?

Marin: Well, yes... her headdress gave that away.

xJadeRainx: Ahhh, well it's a nice story either way. Okay, more questions! Alana, Arista, I have a question for each of you.

Alana: OMN! It's my first time of T.V.! How does my makeup look?

xJadeRainx: It's looks great, but what does OMN mean?

Alana: Oh my Neptune, of course.

xJadeRainx: Oh, of course. Now, as for your question, Converse r life wants to know, was it weird when Tiamat was pregnant, with your sister, but she's not your mother?

Alana: Well, yes it was. I have six full blooded sisters, and then Tiamat became pregnant, and everything was going to change. That's not to say I don't love Adelaide... it's just that the whole idea took some getting used to.

xJadeRainx: *Pensively* I see, I see. Now, Arista, Converse r life asks, somewhere down the line, let's say Adelaide asks if Athena was HER mother, because she's never been told about Tiamat (this is all hypothetical)...what would you say to her?

Arista: *Thinking* I 'd probably just covertly change the topic of conversation. See? Crisis averted!

xJadeRainx: *Raises one eyebrow* Do you really think that approach will last forever?

Arista: Of course it will! We're the only family Adelaide has ever known!

xJadeRainx: Riiight.... okay, I have five questions for Triton here.

Triton: Let's get this over with.

xJadeRainx: Question number one, Converse r life asks, what would you do if you found out Ariel and Eric had sex before marriage?

Triton: *Gravely* I would blast him with my Trident, and mount his head on my throne room wall.

xJadeRainx: Even after all these years?

Triton: *Gravely* Even after all these years.

xJadeRainx: Then, remind me not to cross you, Triton. Converse r life has a second question for you....

Triton: Is it what I think it is?

xJadeRainx: Y-yes...'

Triton: Then don't even bother asking me. I won't answer.

xJadeRainx: But, but Carl says if I don't ask you, and our ratings fall, I might lose my job!

*Producer crosses arms and nods*

Triton: Take this as a reminder: Don't cross me.

xJadeRainx: *Gulps* Okay. Three more questions for you, then.

Triton: Go ahead.

xJadeRainx: Drake, one of Anima's characters wants to know Hey Triton, would you kill dragons who accidentally ate some of your relatives?

Triton: Yes, sea dragons are dangerous beasts!

xJadeRainx: But what if they also had a human form? Would you still kill a dragon then?

Triotn: What? Dragons are not humans!

xJadeRainx: Um, never mind Anima is curious whether you have noticed you name sounds an awful lot like the word Trident.

Triton: Yes, yes I have.

xJadeRainx: I see your a man of few words, Triton. *Nervously* Not good for ratings.

Triton: Next question.

xJadeRainx: Daughter of Romanov wants to know how you felt when Sebastian quit to reopen the Catfish Cabana?

Triton: Sebastian was a loyal employee. It was hard to see him leave.

xJadeRainx: Did you cry?

Triton: Don't be ridiculous.

xJadeRainx: *Skeptically* I don't believe you, So I'm going to ask the crab! Sebastian!

Sebastian: What, mon?

xJadeRainx: Did Triton cry when you left to open the club?

Sebastian: He wos blubberin' like a baby Sperm Whale, mon.

xJadeRainx: I thought so. Wait a minute, Sebastian, there is a question here for you somewhere. *Checks index cards* Oh, here it is. Daughter of Romanov asks, why did you leave you job at the palace to open a club that you randomly ditched? How much did you need to beg to get your old job back?

Sebastian: I wanted a change of pace, mon. Notin' wrong wid dat. Although when I git back to Atlantica, I'm goin' to hafta kiss his old fins.

xJadeRainx: *Under her breath* Someone should secretly videotape that...

Sebastian: What you say?

xJadeRainx: Oh, nothing. Just that it was time for a commercial break. *Looks into camera* Don't touch that remote!

Commercial: *Deep male voice over* Start your morning out right with the new hit cereal everyone is raving about. Zombie Librarian Crunchieos! Find them at your local super market. It's a complete part of your balanced breakfast.

xJadeRainx: And we're back viewers with more of these juicy questions of yours! Next up is Ladon! Gee has he been getting popular lately! Questions just keep coming for him. Ladon, I have two questions addressed to you.

Ladon: This is because I am superior, and all who gaze upon me know that at an instant.

xJadeRainx: Yeah, I'll bet that's why, magic-less boy. Anyway, Converse r life asks, you've specified you want a son, correct? Well, let's say Ceto gives you a daughter. What would you do?

Ladon: Simple. I would toss it into the Western Trench. Copulate with Ceto again, and that time, she will bare a son.

xJadeRainx: What if she doesn't?

Ladon: *Unhappily* She will!

xJadeRainx: All right, all right. Your next question comes from Anima, and she claims to have some magical potion that makes the one who drinks it mighty and powerful. Do you want it?

Ladon: Absolutely! She must give it to me! I demand this potion!

xJadeRainx: *Shrugs* Fine, we'll make arrangement for her to surrender the potion after the show.

Ladon: *Tapping fingers* Excellent.

xJadeRainx: Oh! I have a question for Merrick too!

Merrick. Finally! No one ever asks me questions, anymore!

xJadeRainx: Daughter of Romanov wants to know, why do you think of all the cousins, Trtion sent you to accompany Hali on her quest?

Merrick: Becuase, I'm the oldest, wisest, and I never mess around.

XJadeRainx: I don't feel like arguing that point so... moving on! Well, okay, this is like a multi person question. So, I'm just going to pick a representative at random to answer the question... Um, how about Arista's husband?

Arista's husband: *IN shock* Me?

xJadeRainx: Yes, you. Daughter of Romanov asks, dear unnamed husbands of random sisters: do you feel you were given sufficient roles in the stories? Explain.

Arista's husband: Uh, no.

xJadeRainx: Why not?

Arista's husband: We don't even have names, for Neptune's sake!

xJadeRainx: Oh.. right, but there are just so many of you! I probably wouldn't be able to remember all your names, so I only provide names when needed. Attina's husband is Marin. Andrina's husband is Lamar. Adella's husband is Calder, see! I didn't even remember that one! I had to go and look it up...

Arista's husband: That is hardly satisfying.

xJadeRainx: *Bitterly* I'm going on the the next question now. This is a multi person question also, so I'll have to choose another spokesperson... um, Roden!

Roden: What?

xJadeRainx: Daughter of Romanov asks, dear Leomaris, Caspian, Roxanna, Roden, Octavious, Aquarius, Greta, Iris, and Kelvin: do you feel you were given sufficent roles in the stories? Explain.

Roden: No, not really.

xJadeRainx: Explain.

Roden: *Shrugs* We're basically just place keepers.

xJadeRainx: *Grumbles* Well, at least you all have NAMES!

Roden: You need a time out.

xJadeRainx: Okay, okay. Sorry. *Faces camera* We'll be right back!

Commercial: *Female voice over* Be the first on your block to wear the new, official Evil Bunnies and Cookies converse sneaker. Proceeds benefit the Association of Evil Bunnies and Cookies. Make a difference.

xJadeRainx: *Singing* I think I know who wants a pair of those!

*Producer clears throat*

xJadeRainx: Oh, shut up, Carl. Make yourself useful and answer this question we received for you.

Producer: I received fan mail?

xJadeRainx: If it will make you happy, then, yes, we'll call it fan mail. Anyway, Princess Cricket wants to know more about you. How did you get started on the show?

Producer: I graduated from the University of Florida with a bachelors in Television communications and media and worked on several shows before I got a call to produce Le Plat de Poissons, here.

xJadeRainx: Also, Princess Cricket would like to know, why does your career choice involve mermaids and family feuds.

Producer: It's only temporary until I can make it big time!

xJadeRainx: Geez, Princess Cricket, you still have MORE questions for him? Okay, Carl, are you for the evil bunnies like all decent human beings?

Producer: Sorry, but I've been told not to disclose my personal views on air. Bad for business.

xJadeRainx: Wait a minute here...

Producer: Thirty seconds left!

xJadeRainx: But we still have loads more questions!

Producer: Off air in twenty-five seconds!

xJadeRainx: I'm afraid they'll have to wait until next time... 23 skidoo, the Fish Dish and you!

*Mermaid hops back on stage* Chirp!


End file.
